Why? (In Which ProblemChildBride Tries To Figure Out … Why? Why Blog? Exactly Why?)

Until recently I had always only used the internet for useful things: airline tickets, hotel reservations, information retrieval and news gathering. AND THEN IT OCCURRED TO ME! In true S(P)aul on the road to Damascus fashion, the scales fell away from my eyes and I beheld the myriad beautiful USELESS opportunities the web affords! I weep as I type this in remembrance of the power of that life-altering moment.

Being from a small, Puritan and windy (although that is immaterial) isle off Scotland’s west coast, genetics and social mores have always told my higher brain to seek the utilitarian in all I did and not waste my time. “Was there a point to any given activity?” I would ask myself. I tried to figure out the most useful use of my time, and even managed to do whatever that was about half the time. But, hidden and lurking, was My True Nature which is a wee nature, surplus to the requirements of big Mamma Nature. It is of a useless quality. Redundant. Seriously, I don’t know how evolution ever coughed a nature like mine up. A nature like my True one serves no useful purpose, other than to breed and nurture a bit, which I’ve already done, so what now, huh? HUH? If I didn’t think Intelligent Design was the many colorful expletives I think it is, I would question why Evolution could have thought it was a good idea to let me roam around breeding.

I (and therefore you) have also to blame the UK social framework which allowed a child with such an etiolated True Nature as mine to live past the age of 5. (Maybe this civilization thing is counter-productive.) The government gave me milk from tiny milk-bottles at school play-times until Margaret Thatcher put a stop to it (a lady who clearly foresaw the rise of the Useless Type and wanted to nip us in the bud), I got regular, government-mandated immunizations and every attempt was made to prevent Mamma Nature from recognising my wee True Nature and weeding me out before I could grow up and propagate myself.

So, here I idle on the sofa that time forgot (and now I look at it, taste forgot this sorry sofa too) and now … here I go … I’m going to cast off the shackles of the useful, productive me (tinkle) and roll around naked and ecstatic in the new found complete uselessness of blogging. Behold! A new blogger is born and somewhere an angel has flown into some powerlines. Singed feathers everywhere.

By the way, I’m parenthetically dysenteric (which is a PC way to say i will be writing in such a way as to wholly irritate anyone who stumbles across this wee blog with rambling digressions like this one) because (handkerchief to brow!) I live my life in parentheses (gentle mopping) and so constantly lose the point of what it was i just started doing yesterday when i was looking for the scissors and then stubbed my toe and scared the children with my LOUD ejaculation (first rude-ish word of my blog! Proud beam!) and forgot what it was I was wanting to cut with the scissors……where was I?…

Blogging! Scary, scary blogging. Christ! (first BOTH rude AND holy word of my blog! Look mum! No hands!) It’s kind of scary to think that this frail wee wotzit’ll soon be sent off, floating through the ether to Blogland with no coat on, only a spotted knapsack on a stick and a note attached, saying “Why in hot, stinky hellfire did I think this might be a good idea?” My answer is, many reasons, which I’ll probably bang on about some other time. However, our Survey said “NNNN-NNNN! Likely wants attention”.

So then. First post. Crikey!

4 thoughts on “Why? (In Which ProblemChildBride Tries To Figure Out … Why? Why Blog? Exactly Why?)”

  1. Hey Problem Child Bride,

    I am quite jealous of your ‘puter skillssss – I don’t even know how to burn a copy of a cd yet which is really shameful especially when you think of my line of (imaginary) work. I have also had an epiphany – you should write (as in a book). I am totally serious, you have the gift.

    It’s great to hear from you and catch up via your blog. So you’re diagnosed bipolar? Had you made this diagnosis yourself before or was it a surprise? Good luck with that. No News here but will email you soon. Hope to see you this summer. Fiona xx

  2. Hello! Thank you for visiting!

    See the last post I wrote about not having a book in me. I’d like to but I just don’t. But this is fun, so far.

    I had suspected the bipolar thing before. My first clue was when an old dr. said “I diagnose you as bipolar!”. The second clue was another dr. saying “I too dub you as bipolar. Arise Nutty Lady!”. I figured I was being pigeon-holed because of family history and it was much more easy to find another dr. and try a new medication for a while. By and by though, it got worse, as these things will do, and the girls were becoming both be- and a-mused by their erratic mother so it was just time to sort it out. For poor, long-suffering Dave too. My dr. referred me to a nice psychiatrist, I realised it wasn’t the big deal I was making it out to be, and so on and so forth. Diagnosis made; pigeon-holery submitted to; appropriate medications received (some good ones too!) Should have done it years ago. (I may blog this bit later as I have a nice Category all ready in which it will fit nicely, and am feeling tidy).

    Will be in touch soon for Orla-natters. I’m really looking forward to seeing you all this summer. Thanks for visiting my nw advnturs in blogging! Love Sami

  3. I wonder if you will get this…it’s sometime in the month of july (this is where vacations get muddled- is it morning or night…have I slept…what is the day…and does it really matter…did I dream that I had a job that payed or am I again delusional…am I a butterfly? whatis the dam(n) day?!! Helloooo…where’s that bottle of whiskey gone…) Anyhow it’s somewher in time and space and mind and I’m sitting in front of this strange windoi to a soul, to a fellow creature who I think is from earth and not just some artifical intellegence meant to keep me from storming the bastel (spilling?!) while I sit here in my underwear (not arousing site)
    The first time I read your blog a sheep was accused of sleeping with this womens wife- it turns out that your man was not into strait animal/human sex but was truly perverted and liked male rams (nothing against homosexuality mind you (pc and all) but it sounded a bit mashochistic to me…I kept reading on
    Will, I thought I should find the beginning of this delightful WordSmith and see what there was to see…
    There’s a book by Echo- “Cosmic Comics” and this guy, in this case me (I’m not an alien and I’m not some ghost in the web) will this guy places a sign in space to communicate with others in the universe but as things be the universe had to spin around once before he got a response. Needless to say this could take ages upon ages of human time and cause confusion as to what, who, why, etc.
    I have the inordinate pleasure of reading your blog within the now…then cross time, and see the then.
    It really is a pleasure and as I’ve said to you- you should be published! Many aliens…I mean people, us humonns you know, would get much pleasure and archeological, cultural, interspecies ah..I mean male vs female knowledge of the humonn sexual mores and such if they read you.
    Peace! (in humoon thought…is peace just a word that has no actual equivalence in reality? Just a question…)
    Jeremy

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