Merriness at breakfast this morning.
People present: Kate, Jane, Mummy.
Game played: Who can flare their nostrils the best.
Winner: Me again!
To celebrate I did a boxing type chin to chest, one-two jab-jab dance round the table. ‘Cos competition is healthy, right? Right? It is isn’t it? Healthy, I mean. I AM a good mother! I AM. And besides, if I want to do early morning victory laps I can because I’m worth it – just ask L’Oreal. (I don’t usually listen to the voices from the TV, but Andie MacDowell and Heather Locklear seem to somehow be speaking directly to me. I mean I must be deserving of quality cosmetics and hair products, yes? I am, in some way, worth it, right?)
Children’s brains are plastic, so they tell me, (a fact that Fisher-price has cannily leapt upon) and, by encouraging lots of neural pathways to form, you are helping to create A Well-Rounded Child. I aim to round my children out with the ability to nostril-flare at will. Dave remarked that that is not a very useful tool to have in life’s garden shed, but the man clearly knows nothing. If somebody is saying something to you that you don’t like, a few seconds of acrobatic nostril flaring on your part will disconcert them and they will forget whatever it was they were bothering you with. In fact, they will probably walk away quickly, glancing behind a few times to see if you’re following, which, of course, you won’t be. And you may continue your day unmolested.
Nostril flaring: an undervalued life-skill. But, by golly, if my children won’t be champs at it!