The Personal Problems of Pets, Limerickily.
Tonight I was out at Friend Lee’s house for a girly night. The talk came round, at one point, to Friends Nancy and John’s cat, Fang, who’s caused a miserable pong in their garage with his spraying. At Trivia Tuesday, the other week, I was told of Striker’s (beta male dog at Friend Chisholm’s house) unfortunate wind problem. My cat, Trouble, has her own troubles, or rather, we do, being, as we are, in possession of ears.
So, inspired by “The Piddling Pup”, a very funny poem I read on: http://www.wheresthekaboom.blogspot.com/ I decided to follow suit and do some pomes of my own about the unfortunate ailments currently afflicting some of the pet-life in Ojai. An area I feel has been under-represented in contemporary poetry. I say: No more! Since Friends Malone’s St. Patricks day party was also under discussion tonight, the pomes turned out to be limericks.
These are difficult, sensitive subjects to broach, I’m sure you’ll agree. My hope is that these poems will raise awareness. Of something. And further, send the clear message that the personal problems of our pets should NO LONGER be something to joke about. Have some respect for your flatulent four-legged friends, people!
The Personal Odors Problems of Pets.
The personal problems of pets:
A field where one shouldn’t hedge bets
To hell with the price,
One’s pets want to smell nice!
You need Glade and reliable vets.
*
There once was a kitty called Fang
Who, for toileting, cared not a hang
His pelvic control
Had failed, on the whole
That incontinent kitty called Fang
The odor each day did grow riper
It hummed louder than a bagpiper
“This cannot go on!”
Said Nancy to John
He agreed, and now Fang wears a diaper
*
There once was a dog, Striker Chisholm
A fanatic of Catholicism
But he suffered with gas,
Causing wincing at mass
His discommunication’s caused a schism.
*
There once was a wee cat called Trouble
Who snored like a truck shifting rubble.
To hear her, it’s said
Would knock teeth from your head
That stentorious kitty called Trouble.
March 5th, 2006 at 11:01 am
shocking! -ro885j2i
March 5th, 2006 at 7:06 pm
Hi Roger! Thanks for visiting! I tried to follow your link but couldn’t get there.
I know this subject matter might seem shocking but our pets (and ergo we)are living with chronic whiffiness, with crushing shame. Somebody has to give them a voice! And as long as I can stand down-wind, I will be that somebody.
March 5th, 2006 at 11:08 pm
There once was a collie named Laddie
Whose breath smelled of old Finnan haddie;
Though sometimes the stench
Had the odour of tench,
Or the public latrines at Lochmaddy.
March 6th, 2006 at 2:40 am
Never mind the limericks, this seems apposite.
March 6th, 2006 at 2:52 am
Rob: I have written about Striker before in a recent post entitled “Badly Drawn Housewife”. I look at him as my muse, my smelly, smelly Erata. Here is how I should imagine Striker (of above fame) views his world.
“To Erata is canine, but to fart-give – divine”.
A stretch, maybe, but when I look into his soft brown eyes, I see the soul of a poet. But not a starving one.
March 6th, 2006 at 3:31 am
Rob: the public latrines at Lochmaddy are a place that still live in the noses of many. Love your limerickery!
March 6th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
My Dipsy-dog comes in quite handy
If ever I’ve been on the shandy.
I let out a fart
But then have the art
To blame it on canines and candy!
March 6th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
Ms. Peach – nice rhyming, but the rules state that you can’t use the same word over again to end another line. Join Rob and Clare and get it right.
March 6th, 2006 at 9:25 pm
Joe – you’re allowed an effective repeat of the whole first line at the end, as in
“That incontinent kitty called Fang”
At least, Edward Lear did it sometimes. Best not to overdo it, though.
March 7th, 2006 at 12:57 am
Vegas Joe, If it’s good enough for Edward Lear, it’s good enough for PCB! l looked up limerick construction before I started and it’s quite common for the first and last lines to rhyme. In fact, I thought it was how it was supposed to be done. Have a look at this and see if you agree – http://www.poetry-online.org/limericks.htm
Limerick
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, ‘It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!’
There was on Old Man of the Isles,
Whose face was pervaded with smiles;
He sung high dum diddle,
And played on the fiddle,
That amiable Man of the Isles.
Limerick
There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all that money,
In onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.
I’m a mere white belt in limerickery with no plans to take any exams in the subject so forgive an idle rhymer her wee small hour ramblings.
Good point though. Keeps me on my toes!
March 7th, 2006 at 2:45 am
These are far too good for the internet alone. Get thee published!
Love, Mom101’s flatulent English Bulldog, Emily.
March 7th, 2006 at 5:12 am
I think these limericks are very limericky
March 7th, 2006 at 2:15 pm
Limerickily sounds like a place. Like Billericay. Or Kenkilly (which I may have made up).
March 7th, 2006 at 4:01 pm
They still sound pretty good, and much better than the limericks I come up with.
March 8th, 2006 at 1:42 am
Lime rickey is like a lemon rickey but with lime. Soda water, lime, sugar…yum!