Blog-Love. Or, Lazy Post.
Here is why I love Blogland:
A big part of the fun of Blogland is reading other blogs and being able to comment and sorta, kinda ‘chat’ with other people. Enter the fray, at any rate. Tonight, I was feeling garrulous so commented copiously.
On any one night (this was tonight’s) you can find yourself saying, in the comment boxes of others things such as this:
“The Brangelina bump might turn out to be either the most wondrous example of physical beauty on the planet, or an appalling little barnacle that Angelina, bucking her own trend, will seek to have adopted immediately.”
But it’s not all meaningless trivia about the stars. Serious topics of discussion are fequent in Blogland:
“Can a person opt out of the social contract they were born into when the contractee is not performing as expected? Even when ‘bloody awful’ is what you more or less expected when Bush and the increasingly authoritarian Mr. Blair were re-elected? ”
In Blogland, one might be moved by a particularly touching post to confess dark and terrible secrets such as this:
“(Quietly) Erm, it might have been me. (Shuffling feet) It might have been me what sinned the most. Me or that nipple-pierced, belly-dancing, 300lb, bald Gypsy hermaphrodite and the camel it rode into Vegas on. It was one of the three of us.”
Modern liviing and culture is covered: Here, I was able to weigh in on a useful discussion on the merits and demerits of Sam’s Club and other bulk-buy warehouse stores:
“But most of all I love the awesome hugeness of it all. I, a small Outer Hebridonian, can only look around in wonder at this Cathedral of Consumerism. One finds one eyes are drawn UP by the collonaded, stacked garden furniture, until they rest, and can feast on the intricate filligree of the open duct-work. It is only in Sam’s Club that one is free to contemplate: How small is man in God’s great universe! How large a mega, multi-pack of cornflakes can one person reasonably require?”
I’ll leave it up to you to decide what this conversational offering was prompted by:
“I live in America where we don’t have French pubic lice. We have Freedom pubic lice.”
(Ahem).
On a similary hair-related topic elsewhere, the conversation went this-aways briefly:
“Hairiness is as hairiness does, is what I always say. That handy phrase can be used to effectively end almost any argument, I’ve found. (And I can be counted on to effectively split any infinitive).”
And, haunted all my life, as I have been, by this following question, I at last found the right forum and the appropriately knowledgable people to ask. There were grateful tears in my eyes as I was finally able, amongst trusted strangers, to posit:
“If a hairy woman is hirsute, can a hairy man be said, therefore, to be himsute?”
Occasionally, I have to ask for clarification about cultural references, because trying to keep up with popular culture in both the Us K and S is a challenge I can’t always meet .In this case I could not identify the ‘Scary Duck’ of which they spoke:
“That last Scary Duck bit has flown right over my head, just as the Scary Ducks in my Scary Duck dreams do, right before pooing on me. In horrifying slow motion the poo approaches me and I am paralysed, I cannot move my feet to run away; I?m enmired and balefully quacking in my Uggs. All I can see is the poo getting bigger and bigger and closer and closer and ?Aaaaaaaaagh!
You?re not referring to the same Scary Duck are you? That would be just too too creepy. (Shiver)”
Dreams and nightmares are shared in Blogland. Blogland itself is either one or the other and I don’t know which but, I’m addicted. Won’t someone set me free? No don’t! Yes do! No don’t!
Blogland: It will challenge your perceived notions about the known world. It will lift you high, it will bring you low. If you die, noone in Blogland will know. One day your posts will just end … You will laugh and cry and share jokes and happy times with complete and utter strangers.
I love it.
March 14th, 2006 at 6:17 pm
Hello Sam, it seems like you’re a long way from your birthplace now. The Outer Hebrides sounds like the kind of wild place that animals love and humans run away from.
March 14th, 2006 at 6:42 pm
Don’t be so quick with your assumptions there Mr. Bananas! It’s not widely know, even by those who know me and sell me groceries, but I am a mountain goat. Luckily, for me, I am one of those mountain goats that can pass for human if I keep my horns trimmed and remember not to look too dreamy when I’m eating a salad.
There are many of our kind in Lewis. We have traditionally been enisled because ’society’ just doesn’t (won’t, more like) understand us and our wellie-boot chomping ways.
I now pass as a housewife and mother of two in Ojai, California where my only release from this sham of a life, is a furtive early morning nibble on the lawn with the rabbits, who don’t fear me,despite ‘knowing’. One of my twins had a wee fluffy tail but we had the vet dock her.
March 14th, 2006 at 8:18 pm
It can be quite fun having a few drinks and then setting out to comment on every blog you visit. I’ve done this on occasion and the results have been knockabout: I once forgot which blog I was on and, thinking I was still at the last (scatological) one, posted a comment in extremely poor taste about a turd. It turned out to be a serious political site. The moderator was not pleased.
March 14th, 2006 at 8:55 pm
With comments like these, you are welcome – nay, ENCOURAGED – to comment at my site anytime. While it will be at first hard on the ego to accept that your comments will be more glib and articulate than the post itself, I believe I am up to the challenge.
March 14th, 2006 at 9:14 pm
How many names do you have, Sam? Are you both Wirepeach and Mom101? Using more than two names makes you officially a ‘blog prankster’. It can lead to anarchy. Look the comments following this post on Harry Hutton’s site:
http://chasemeladies.blogspot.com/2006/02/david-irving.html
If you look in Ivan the Terrible’s site you’ll find the true story of a man who married a goat, followed by Foot Eater’s memorable joke.
March 14th, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Nope, just wirepeach. Mom 101 is someone who is not me, or, as you might say, someone else.
What am I doing? I have to go to a parent teacher meeting in a minute and pretend that I haven’t just been chatting about closet goat-life. I haven’t filed my hooves down or anything and my fur is simply a mess. Where’s a mirror? God, I really am late!
March 14th, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Jeeez, now I’ve got to come up with a real interesting and educated comment. Oh poop.
March 14th, 2006 at 9:36 pm
GB, you’re really bothered by that Sol Kashberg torrent of madness, aren’t you? I have no knowledge of gorilla psychology other than what I’ve learned from your own essays, so all I can say is: Simian, heal thyself!
Incidentally, do you buy that idea of Kashberg and his own blog, put forward in a comment on Harry’s post yesterday?
March 14th, 2006 at 10:39 pm
Foot Eater, it just takes one madman making 100 comments rubbishing everyone else to make a nonsense of any blog. The problem is that the nonsense has a hypnotic attraction – I still find is difficult to stop reading that thread from start to finish whenever I open it.
And yes, I am 99% certain that the commentator on Harry’s blog is right. I myself have been getting a frequent visitor from that very site who just happens to have an internet address from Israel. I am also 90% certain that the Mr R. Kipling, who commented on Ivan’s blog, is Kasberg.
March 15th, 2006 at 7:37 am
sod this irrelevant chat about goats. I couldn’t give a flying *&!$ about them.
more llamas please.
you can talk about squirrels too.
March 15th, 2006 at 8:28 am
Oh dear, I just know I don’t have time to follow that link, but most of the comments in this comment box seem to refer to it, and I’m now a very confused little puppy.
But I’m also a confused little puppy who’s supposed to be working.
I love the stream of comment consciousness in this post, by the way. But I also want links to the original posts! You’ve intrigued me!
(And, of course, if you link to them you’ll get a load of curious bloggers coming along to see who’s linking to them… which can only enhance the current lovable chaos in this comments box…)
March 15th, 2006 at 11:46 am
AH, so here is from whence you came. Odd, you commented as
Sam, Problem-Child-Bride on my blog, and the profile linked had no blogs listed.
I was sad. For a moment.
Well, look at all these other comments! Its all these other people I know. How come I didn’t know you?
No matter, your comment made me laugh, and these comments did as well.
March 15th, 2006 at 8:22 pm
Tom: be patient with the llamas. They are sensitive and highly strung. Their sabbatical, which is an art one studying Russian icons and the role of women llamas in the priesthood, will be ending soon.
Mr. Tinspector. Thanks for visiting. I am new. I only started this blogging carry-on in February and can’t even do pictures yet. But the fabulous Gordon McLean is going to be working on PCB in April some time and then I will soon be posh and zippy and spiffy and able to hold my head up amongst all you bloggers with posh, zippy, spiffy sites. But, be warned, with Gordon on my side, we might just out-spiff you all. Mwahahahahaaha!
GB, and FE. I read that extrordinary Sol thread you sent me. I will be trawling his new blog (alleged) and hunting for clues as to it’s Kashbergian nature. Janus-faced barminess, will be the main clue, I think.
March 16th, 2006 at 7:15 am
…don’t know as I’m familiar with Gordon.
But out-spiffing our lot isn’t that much of an accomplishment, truth be told.
March 24th, 2006 at 7:07 am
The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.
March 24th, 2006 at 7:59 am
Hi Sol. Welcome! I was directed towards your, now infamous, exchange on Holocaust denial in the comment box of, I forget right at the moment whose blog it was. Anyway I read it with interest about a month after it happened. You intrigued me mightily then, as you did many, and I was surprised to see your comment awaiting moderation tonight, although, not by the sentiment you express in the comment.
You’re most welcome here, although you are quite clearly barmy. But very intriguing – a Jewish Holocaust denier is a new one on me, I have to admit. You seemed to play the dual role of alternate ‘Holocaust denier/I don’t agree with you ergo you are clearly a Jew-basher’ role quite as deftly as Peter Sellers ever did in his movies.
I’m curious though, did you come to read the blog or did you just follow a Google search of your name here? I ask because you chose this post to comment on and not the latest ones, which, I’ll admit, are not all they could be, but still, just wondering.
Anyway, hello. Come back whenever you like, you’re an interesting bloke.
March 30th, 2006 at 10:16 am
Why does my being Jewish have any bearing upon this? Try to see past my ethnicity for a moment. You and I both know that, were I not Jewish, you wouldn’t describe me as ‘an interesting bloke’. You would probably not be content with describing me as ‘barmy’ either. No, if I were not Jewish, you would feel very free to label me in far more offensive terms. Why is that? Why would that be, do you think? I’m right, aren’t I? So it looks like there’s a problem right from the start, involving your preconceptions about we Jews. Have you ever heard of Yagoda or Berman or Kagonavich? If you haven’t, it’s not your fault; the television doesn’t dwell much on these peoples’ achievements.
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:01 am
Sol: I’m sorry. That’s just not good enough, I’m afraid.
You should have said “preconceptions about us Jews”, not “about we Jews”. After all, you wouldn’t say “about I”, would you?
Of course not.
I hate it when Holocaust deniers get their grammar wrong.