Rainy Day Activities
We had one – count it! – one rainy day recently. God obviously liked the choreography in my latest hall rain-dance.* I have to agree with God on that one – my jetes** were extrordinary, although I say it myself.
Fun activities for when it’s raining outside:
1. Play who can flare their nostrils the most with the children. We do this a lot * even when it’s not raining. There’s a big debate whether nostril union is a “purer” sport than nostril league but we don’t get involved in that. We play for hard soft currency (banana pennies) and for sheer love of the sport but noone is allowed to laugh because that shows weakness and destroys discipline and how will your kids ever get along in the world if they’re finding everything funny every 5 minutes? I waterboard them too. After I take all their banana pennies – to teach them Gritty Realities.
2. Count the ways in which you are personally lacking. That’s hilarious, that is. A right riot.
3. Put hair-rollers on in the middle of the afternoon and walk around calling “Meep meep. Hello Canada! Come in Canada! Meep.” Then pretend you’re picking up a return signal through the rollers. This will make your children think you have special powers and it is always good for children to think their parents as powerful as possible. You can receive any information you want in this rainy day activity: Margaret Atwood’s latest interview; the Canadian view on socialised medicine; people saying “aboot” (these loveable Canadians!); anything. The substance of the message is not important. What matters is that you deceive your children as thoroughly as you can.
4. Active loafing.
5. Eating macaroni and cheese made with extra-strong cheddar and black pepper.
* Look at me being all self-referential and stuff!! You can do that when you have a Body of Work like wot I have. A Bloggy Of Work.
** Tremendous balletic leaps.
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:59 pm
I’m all down with Active Loafing. I don’t do enough of that. You are so inspiring Sam!
March 23rd, 2007 at 12:30 am
John, I’m Hebridean; I have had 18 years to formulate rainy day plans. I’m useless, useless in California. I wasn’t designed for it. I’m all for the outdoors but there’s not enough wellie-wearing here for my liking. If I want to hike up a mountain I want it to be in a brisk Force 8 gale with horizontal rain and ancient blackface sheep too miserable to be puzzled at my appearance on their mountain. I want to drink tea from a thermos at the top, barely able to breathe for the wind and the view. I want a hot bath and tomato soup when I get home with cheeks blazing rosy from the fresh air. California’s beautiful and I love it, but heat-stroke isn’t something I’d ever had to consider on a country walk before. What am I on about – you never said anything about mountains did you? Sorry.
March 23rd, 2007 at 4:57 am
You know I’m with ya. I remember the school “outdoor pursuits” trips to Connemara. The whole school would end up sick or dead from exposure after a few days of tramping around the mountains, (hills in any other country). I think thats how pubs were invented, after a day chasing sheep in the rain and wind, up hill and down dale, our ancestors felt they deserved a warm dry welcoming place where getting utterly langersed was the payback forthe hardship and inclemency. That said – I am totally down with the California outdoors. The minute I discovered hiking in the sun on dry ground I was all over it. Of course I still can’t handle the truly hot days.
How did you end up in Cali – maybe you explained that already on the blog. i must go check.
March 23rd, 2007 at 6:26 am
I am an expert loafer, though I term it lurking. I am training my three children to be same and I am pleased to say results are looking promising. If I can teach them all to whittle away hours actively lurking then a proud parent I will be.
March 23rd, 2007 at 7:28 am
John, I was sold into slavery in London and crossed the Atlantic in the belly of a Russian klondiker. I escaped in New York and spent the next year walking here with only a deep-fried chicken wing and a prayer. It says something for the calories in these KFCs that I survived the whole year on that and a few potaotes I found in Idaho.
Charlotte, me too! I have one natural loafer daughter and another who will have to be broken down and trained but, you know, time is on my side – she’s only 4 yet.
March 23rd, 2007 at 7:30 am
Bloody hell, I’m dumber than Dan “Dumb Guy” Quayle! He couldn’t spell potatoes either.
March 23rd, 2007 at 9:59 am
Coming from Norn Iron as I do, I always associate hill walking with that feeling you get in your ears… you know the one you must get it in the Hebrides too. That feeling that the wind is so cold that the ears are about to fall off and that the feeling is slowing being leached from around the ears too, so that your jaw contracts into a sort of grimace/smile. So that by the time you get off the hill and back to somewhere slightly less arctic, you have a rictus of happiness and extreme cold on your face. Your hair has been blown into something resembling a crow?s nest and to top it all off your nose resembles a ninety year old whisky drinker. Oh and of course your body weight has doubled purely by the amount of claggy mud that’s caked on your wellies.
God I love the northern parts of the British Isles.
March 23rd, 2007 at 12:55 pm
You really need an XBox 360, Sam. Imagine the transatlantic fun we could have together. In the rain! IN THE RAIN!
The accompanying headset could be a brilliant tool in allowing your children to think you are connected to vague and mysterious spy missions.
March 23rd, 2007 at 1:43 pm
I drag my fiends out in the rain and chase them around the yard with a big plank.They fecking well love the rain ( as I do ) and get great sport out of sliding down their playset into the big old mud puddle at the foot of it.
I do miss the wetter climes though and it’s a big part of wanting to move to the Pacific NW.
We were hiking in Moab a few years back and it got to 116F.The aridity made if feel like 75F and by the time I was done I was very nearly done FOR.Climates that can kill you? Meh…not so much.
March 23rd, 2007 at 7:53 pm
birchsprite, and everyone has a runny nose. That’s exactly it! And turning round and getting your breath taken away by the wind. And light rain in your tea and watching as the tops slice of bread on your egg sandwich is whipped away back down the hill leaving you with bits off egg on your waterproof jacket. I miss the whole thing. It used to be exhilarating. Fatmammycat (march 9th – can’t find permalink) wrote a great piece on hillwalking and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
Sweary, I am an X-box widow these days. The Problem Husband got one for himself just recently and has been holed up with it in his office ever since. He has to come out to go to use the loo though. Hahahaha!! I’ll catch him then! Me, I have neither the skills nor the staying power for video games. Tetris is more my speed I’m afraid (I did inhale) I know, that’s not cool, but I’m kind of glad in a way. I lost a weekend to tetris once so God knows what would happen if I got into anything “harder.”
Hangar Queen, are you thinking you will make the move then? Chasing them around with a big plank sounds great fun! My kids are the muddiest on the West Coast. Their bathwater leaves a rim every night. They cook with mud and grass and petals and water from the hose and have pretty much ruined our lawn at the back. The husband doesn’t like it but, hell, I reckon in a few years they’ll be all grown up and we’ll ache for the mud-pie days again. I’d have more children in a New York minute (+ nine months) but himself is having none of it so I’ve got to suck up the wee child years as much as I can now because they’re so fleeting. The lawn will regrow.
March 24th, 2007 at 12:04 am
See. I go away to do very important lawyer stuff and you put a new post up.
I agree with making children think you’re omnipotent for as long as possible. Personally, I threaten my boys by telling them that because their mother is German, they’ll be drafted into the Wehrmacht any minute unless I personally intervene with the State Department.
Which I won’t do, if they keep pissing me off!
Just sayin’.
Cheers.
March 24th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Ah yes…the nostril flare. You are talking to…well, actually, I am talking but that’s beside the point…a world class flarer of nostril. I competed on behalf of the good ole US of A back in ‘88 and took the bronze. I was robbed. Oh sure, a slight tickle at a very critical moment threw off my concentration just enough to produce a slight twitch during my short routine, a guffaw sadly noticed by the German and Korean judges resulting in the loss of two-tenths of a point. I missed the gold by just that margin…damn it all. I still think there was more at play here…just that morning I had refused the eskimo kiss advance of the German judge and I think she held a grudge. Oh well…I retired from competitive flareing the next year but still attend VIP exhibitions, mostly fundraisers and the like, several times a year.
March 24th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
But Sam you for got to describe your apparel during the rain dance. Tutus, tights or just nothings? We have come to expect these vital details otherwise one’s mind’s eyes gets it all wrong and you know what the boys are like! I ought to be working but just popped in to say hi!
March 24th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
When I was young, our father used to force us to crawl around the floor searching for old toenail clippings. By us I mean the whole family including my mother, and also several of the neighbours.
“Where the fuck are my toenail clippings?” was his catchphrase.
How we laughed on those rainy days.
March 25th, 2007 at 4:20 am
Rand’ is there compulsory military service in Germany, then? You know that’s funny, because as a race, I don’t think the Germans have ever been as disciplined and inclined to aggression as they might be.
Joel, you’re my hero! Can i have your autograph? You know, for my um friend?
Pat, you’re absolutely right. I phoned this last post in and it shows. I haven’t looked at it again properly ’til tonight and what a lot of crap it is. I’ve edited the worst of it out but all my posts seem lacking, lately. I’ve been lazy at editing when that’s at least half of the job. Thanks for sticking with me, hun. I’ll buck my ideas up a bit and see if I can’t post something decent soon. I’ve a lot to learn, me. I’ve been writing loads off-blog for fun but nothing that really suits the tone of th’ould blog, whatever that is.
But to answer your question, I wore feathers – nothing but feathers affixed with a flour and water paste. The man doing the windows got quite a shock, I’ll tell you.
Bock, see in those days we knew how to make our own fun. I have fond memories, myself, of long happy afternoons finding split ends and making them split even further. Great days, great days…
March 26th, 2007 at 10:32 am
“They cook with mud and grass and petals and water from the hose and have pretty much ruined our lawn at the back.”
Just remind the husband that you’re raising kids, not grass.
Er, unless you ARE reaising “grass” out back, this being Cali, and all.
I wonder which one you can sell for more, grass or kids?