Mom101, Lola’s a lovely name, I agree, but unfortunately she was a showgirl, from the hottest club north of Havana, and she shot a man. And then there’s the whole Humbert Humbert thing. The name’s got too many negative associations which is a real shame, cos it’s nice.

Pat, testing? Did you take blood? Do you have the results? What’s wrong with me? O God, I’m dying, amn’t I?

Primal Sneeze, how much do you know? Was it a false positive? A real positive? I’m pretty sure it’s not the measles cos I’ve had my jabs but what could I be dying of? For the love of the Lord, man, tell me!

Pat, what are you saying? Is this code? Is it fatal? Will it hurt? O Mortality!

Docs, you’ll look after me, won’t you? Send me comfort Irn Bru and McGowan’s 10p toffees?

fmc, aha! Would you look at all these redundant letters! We’re not an awfully economical lot are we, we Celts! Go raibh maith agut yourself, m’darlin’.