Asym, but not as impressive as computer leek. They’re smart, those Welsh, you know.

Apprentice, slightly louder groan than Sassy’s. “Free Range” – I love it! But what in the wide world is a cigar-holder submarine and what do you do with the bicarbonate of soda?

Kim, no kitchen table can withstand the fury of a papier-mache volcano. Especially not my one, Mt. Veronica.

Vince, I can’t even vote postally because I haven’t been resident in the country for over 5 years. It’s been 10 years since I lived in Scotland.

Very impressive indeed Sam. Bicarb is great stuff isn’t , I used to use it to power my cigar holder submarines when i was wee – before we went nuclear lol.

My great creative project was a landscape for my son’s Playmobile cowboys. It included mountains made out of egg boxes, so I called the place Free Range.

I seriously would like that on my work record. Much more impressive than ‘computer geek’.

Sneezy, thanks, hun.

Hi Kanani, welcome. Come away in. These potato-salad comparing plebeian housewives need years more work before they can rise through the echelons of housewiffery to volcocaino level. Or you have to know someone with sway over the top housewives (previously the Order Of The High Mucky-Mucks but with some elbow grease and a few time-honoured household tricks they were later named the Order Of The High Cleany-Cleans) It helps if you’re a Mary Kay agent too, obviously.

Old Knudsen, I gave myself a gold star and a shiny red apple for it.

Vince, Paris has been trained in the annoying arts by her mother, right from the breast. Not her mother’s breast, of course – they paid a Puerto Rican to suckle the young Paree.

birchsprite, you know I just don’t think I could pull it off again. I am creatively exhausted after my volcano opus.

Savannah, if you’re an East Coaster now, you could wear the garlands and laurels ironically with a lot of black and a jaunty hat. And perhaps a Diane Keatonesque tie.

Manuel, a post office? God, I’m impressed! She is way out of my league. I’ve still got a lot of work to do on my rudimentary hovel building technique. I bow before Little Miss Manuel’s post-office in wonder.

VegasJoe, if I’d put fleeing villagers in at least one of my girls would be devastated. She’d ask all sorts of questions which would lead to us discussing death and loss and poverty and it’s just too hard. She’d be in floods all day.

Kara, in college, I was sooooo poor the richer students hired me to piggy-back them between classes. I still flinch and half expect the whip whenever I hear the words “giddy-up.” But I was grateful for the occasional nosebag of simple oats I got from the Young Socialists. They had the heaviest textbooks, see and they weren’t without conscience.

Honey, glue and dried macaroni elbows will figure largely in your future. And glitter and sticky tape and completely buggered up vacuum-cleaners. I want an explosion too but You Tube would require some tecchie-learning on my part which I’m against, on principle.

Sparra’, this Ren Fair was heavy on the pirates. ProblemChild1 flirted shamelessly for booty and shiny plunder. We shall have to put bars on the window for that one when she hits the teenage years, I fear.

Nanas, I was going to mix vinegar with red food dye adn pour it onto bicarbonate of soda in the crater but I saw a thing on You Tube the other day where a couple of fellows put Mentos mints into diet Pepsi bottles and practically created a Vegas calibre fountain show, so I might experiment with that a bit. And it would taste better too.

Asym, I like your idea of turning children’s crafts into hard cash, I like it a lot. I could become one of these internet volcano millionaires we’re always reading about!

Wee Niaff, “volcano thingy?” Volcano thingy?? That thingy took four bleedin’ hours to lovingly craft! Why, I’ll give you thingy – come here you little tyke…dup…dup…come here! Damn, missed! Make your own you wee loafer!

SafeT, well there is a corrective procedure I could do to fix that but unfortunately most insurances regard it as cosmetic and non-necessary and just won’t cover it. Inverted volcanoes in Mexico and the Philipines can get it a lot more cheaply, I hear. They don’t have to deal with the bloody FDA, see.