Disaboom
It’s been a busy week, Folks All. We took over the bar and have been encountering hurdles with it almost hourly. But such is life and with all hands to the deck and any luck at all, all will be peachy and schnappsey soon enough.
Despite the superb name suggestions from y’all, The Village Jester it stays. It isn’t up to me, see. Anyway, I made a chair for it – a Jester’s throne, if you will or won’t. Whatever was left of my scanty fingerprints I think has been hot-glued right off.
In other news, I got an email last week from a fellow from Disaboom.com, an online site for the disabled community. He asked if I’d write a blog for them and…get this…they want to pay me. Pay me! For the tripety-tripe I write. Like, real spondulas and everything! Holy MacMoley!
It was as I’d suspected – the world was going truly, madly and deeply bonkers. I knew I had to think, I had to think! Think Bridey, think! But there was macaroni to be cooked and toys to trip over and bruise my coccyx on. After dinner and a cold compress, I debated long and hard for 3.14 seconds (which is pi seconds and I always have seconds of pie! I looked upon this as A Sign), examined all the ins and outs and
rattled off an email to the man declaring my love for him and my willingness to bear all his babies. (And that I’d do the blog.)
But no – that seemed too eager, too pathetically grateful. I trashed me missive. I thought again, wincing only slightly as my coccyx throbbed; great literary success is a great natural narcotic. (And a great natural
aphrodisiac also, although the policeman didn’t take that view at all. At all.) Must play it cool – must imply I get these sorts of offers all the time. Nonchalantly, I tapped out something less unctuously ingratiating, limiting myself to carrying only one of his babies. I hit SEND.
But what if I didn’t get a reply? What if it was all a gigantic hoax? Dark fingers of doubt enveloped my brain, flicked my ears and picked my nose. All the wretched days of my life in which I hadn’t been asked to write for money came flooding back. This took quite a while. And then a reply came.
I’m starting tomorrow although I don’t have an online name yet. Any suggestions, folks? Check out the site – it’s very new but intuitive and interesting.
What’s that you say, peeples? “But aren’t you utterly unqualified to blog on a disabled site, Sam?” Well, yes, yes I am, and I explained all of that to the lovely man but it doesn’t seem to matter – he’s looking for able-bodied bloggers too, God bless his socks (I don’t know if his socks are actually blessable, but I’m sure they’re both adorable and absorbent.)
Below is a picture of the insolent wee bugger gopher who has been tearing up our lawn.
October 18th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Think of the little chap as a golf-course builder. While FYI, Stephen Fry has started a goodish blog. And best of…. on the money making.
October 18th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Well done, Sam! But what do they want to you to write? You could call yourself ‘Mable Token’.
October 18th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Vince, me ole mucka! I haven’t seen you around for ages. Howinthehellareya? Thanks for the Fry blog info. I’m looking forward to catching up on it.
Nanas, cheers, m’hairy dear. The lovely man said I could write whatever I wanted. The first post needs to be a general howdo, introduction one though. I think the hardest part will be starting out and trying to justify my presence on the site. Mable Token? I’m afraid I’m being dim – I don’t get it. I was thinking of calling the blog Carpe Delirium which is a bit crap but the best I’ve got at the moment. I had the perfect name – it was perfect but I’ve forgotten it. Damn me and my not writing things down ways! I mean it – damn me – I’m furious with myself.
October 18th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Congratulations on your new writing gig, as Hemingway once said. Please send us the link once it’s up there.
October 18th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Eeeeeeeeeee! This is BRILLIANT news. How exciting. Wil it be daily? Weekly? Will it be stories or a mix? Terrific stuff dahling, I’m most very pleased and I will toast you readily on the 30th.
October 18th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
This marvelous news! t It just lifts the spirit.
October 18th, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Congratulations dear! That’s super cool.
Now you can use all of those fantastic names that you thought of for the pub, and morph them into something as delightful as you. Woohoo!
October 19th, 2007 at 1:41 am
congratulations, sugar! a new bar and a new column…well done!
October 19th, 2007 at 7:44 am
?But aren?t you utterly unqualified to blog on a disabled site, Sam??
Well just put your coccyx in a sling and away ya go!
October 19th, 2007 at 8:36 am
hooray! you are a star
October 19th, 2007 at 9:42 am
Go on ya good ting Sam, congratulations . Cream to the top , always. So there’s a suggestion, creamy top or murky bottom, failing that someone has to use sparkling faucet soon. Emphatise with the bottom situation, I’ve arthur in mine, and it’s a total coccyx !
October 19th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Just read your School’s Dead Boring story, and forgot how fab you were at writing. So no doubt your new blog will be peachypie! And a pub to help run and two weans to look after – is there no end to your talents?!
Too late now, but how about the Faggot and Parsnip? Oh, that means something else over there……
October 19th, 2007 at 10:27 am
cant even type me own name propally…
October 19th, 2007 at 11:37 am
Congrats, dear. We all look forward to it.
As far as the gopher, go with the WMD’s: Chlorine bleach to roust him from his lair then a shovel to the head.
Cheers.
October 19th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
good for ya, Sami;) you’ll tell me more in December;)
congrats!
October 19th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Congrats me dear! Will be sure to pop by as soon as its up and running!
October 19th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
I’m thrilled for you and banish those ‘not worthy thoughts’ instantly. So you’re going to be busy with the bar and the other blog ( What about us?)
Could ‘Mable token’ be short for I’m able as opposed to disabled? Not very PC je crois.
Re your query the last message was about the quiz.
( What about us?) Sorry – too much whine!
October 19th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
Someone above stole my thunder: I was going to say that if you’ve messed up your coccyx, you will be at least temporarily disabled. I stepped on one of my kids’ toys and went flying, and I know what a bruised coccyx feels like: you will have some trouble going up, though not down, stairs. There once was a time I picked the kids’ toys for their educational value, environmental impact and safety. Then my kids got bigger and my only criteria were ‘Will that hurt if I step on it?’ and ‘How easy would that be to trip on?’
Good for you getting a job offer! If you want to talk to any genuine disabled people, just say the word and I’ll put you in touch. I know a woman who once lived in a house where three people were in wheelchairs.
October 19th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
I can’t think up any more names for you, lady…my brain is SHOT! But I do want to sit on your chair. Throne. Throne? Chair. Whatever.
October 20th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Disability comes in all shapes and sizes. We’re all f*cked up in one way or another – don’t feel such an outsider.
So I take it you’re not going to call your blog The Village Jester then?
October 20th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
They’ll pay you?
Fan-fucking-tastic!
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:33 am
Cheers all. I don’t mind telling you I’m nervous about it all. I’m just waiting for somebody to tell me to clear off. I’m worried people just see an able-bodied person and think, what the hell could you know about my day-to-day struggles?
October 22nd, 2007 at 11:16 am
Sami, you can’t imagine how much you can do! I had the same feeling when I fought for a Russian girl on wheel chair to be accepted to the University, and how relieved and awarded I felt when I made the top management to build a new bathroom for her convenience.
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Told you so! Na na na na na…I was right and am always right! So there.
As for writing…write what you know- write from the heart. It can’t be wrong. A good book written by one with fairly extreme disabilities that you might enjoy reading- “Eyes of the Clock” By Nolan (I think>..)
October 22nd, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Who would dislike you, Sam, able bodied or not?
Fabulous! So happy to see someone making bank.
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Congratulations Sam! You are a wonderful writer and far too modest. I will check out that site.
October 22nd, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Just a quick check to see if you’re safe from the fires, dear. I hope all is well.
Cheers.