A Few Of My Favourite Things
When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When you’re feeling sad
Just simply remember your favourite things
And then things won’t seem so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
Okeydokey, but when does life ever work out like a song, eh? Today, in my case, the parameters need to be readjusted to something a bit more like:
When the nose runs, When the unidentified bug bites
Causing unutterable itchiness
I simply remember my favourite things
An pu-hoot them iiiiiiiiin my blog.
Well there are the things that everyone likes like, green paper packages coming from Amazon, finding the 20 bucks you hid from yourself a long time ago when you were flush so you’d get a nice surprise someday (ideally in a bright copper kettle or some warm woolen mittens) Singing Bohemeian Rhapsody like a floppy-limbed maniac with the moshing bit and everything; scalding tea and jaffa cakes. blah de blah de blooh.
Right then. *Taps lectern*. Altogether! Everybody in a rousing rendition of Sam’s Favourite Things adn one and two and…
Old kindly gentlemen wearing tweed jackets
Getting pals drunk with my own first pay packet
Liquorice allsorts all lined up by rank
These are all things better than a plank
Chorus:
When the nose swells, when the spot lurks
When your head, it pouuuuuuuuunds
Just simply remember your horrid cold
Is do-hoo-hoo-ing the rounds.
Telling your mum that he’s not just a phase.
Watching Pink Panther on wet, howly days
Showering your labrador, sodden and soapy
Fills up your heart with all bubbling hopey
Reaching the top of a wild, rainy mountain
Panting, elated as rain like a fountain*
Sti-ings your cheeks just like wee wet bee kisses.
Getting to be-ee your hubby’s missus.
Muddling your scanning and not caring less
Eating nice puddings, drinking to excess
Holding the hand of any small child
A Bock fairy-story, becoming beguiled
Getting the scab off all in one go
French bread, rosemary, a nice white Bordeaux
Eating fish and chips right out of the poke
Hearing the minister tell a blue joke.
Schooners, strawberries and sun on your shoulders
Pregnancy giving you Dolly-sized boulders
Then after a while them going right away
Cos who can be arsed with your back in a stay?
When the spot bursts
When the coccyx hurts
When you’re just not quids in
Just simply remember your favourite things
And pour liberalleeeeeeeeeeee
From the gin.
* A horizontal fountain. Look, it rhymes, OK?
January 15th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Love it Sam…
Hope it does the trick. It’s certainly cheered me up
January 15th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
French bread and Bordeaux. Amen sister.
January 15th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Yeah ok, quite liked the song, horizontal fountain and all, but tell me this:
How can you possibly put licorice allsorts in rank?
It just doesn’t compute. I’m sorry.
My attention drifted after I read that.
It’s a concept I am unfamiliar with.
You can put revels in rank, and quality street, but not Bertie Basset’s assets.
January 15th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Point of Order: Red Bordeaux is better. Other than that: Hats Off.
Cheers.
January 15th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Welly well…you’ve successfully stopped me from slaying any coworkers today with your uplifting song. And believe me, I was close. You’re like what a harpie would be if it was good. You know what I mean.
January 15th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
coccyx hurts ? you’d expect that kind of thing on my blog but here? “snorting up coke drinking beer have a boak” that is a few of my favourite things.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
You are such a darling, darling!
I also do the floppy-limbed Bohemian Rhapsody thing. It always makes me feel better (especially when accompanied by gin, and/or vodka!). Take care of yourself and I hope you’re feeling better soon! Mwah!
January 15th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
I think you’ve just got the part, Sam. Now who gets to play cockney Bert?
January 16th, 2008 at 12:47 am
Spritey, a bit. I really like when snowdrops lie on my nose and eyelashes though, but some singing nun bint got there before me.
John, with rosemary ham and olives and apples. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
Docsy – single layerers are the footsoldiers of the regiment and the sweeties ascend in rank according to my whims right up to Blue-aniseed-bobbly-one-in-chief. You can reeenact all the world’s major battles with just one box. Or you can put them in an orchestra.
Rand, red wine is nice but it makes my teeth and lips go black and once, as a student, I found myself in a bathroom looking in the mirror at a girl with a big red tideline on my top lip. I looked as if I’d had a horrible scald. Who knows how long I’d been wondering around like that. My only consolation was that everybody else was in their own personal state of drunken disarray too.
Kara, dammitall! I hate to get in the way of a good office coworker slaying!! How would you have done it? Poison? A sharpened BIC in the forehead or straight out the window with them?
Knudsen, your favourite things fairly bring a tear to my eye. The bruised coccyx is from a shrapnel wound one time when I was terribly brave in a jungle guerilla war at some point…
OK OK it was lego. Take my moment of untrue glory away from me, why don’t you?
Carolyn, you can’t be tense for Bohemian Rhapsody, can you? Injuries lie that way.
Nanas, Alan Rickman
January 16th, 2008 at 1:37 am
That was just brilliant!
I sang the whole thing through (in my head, I am in an open plan office right now).
January 16th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Inspired. McChe is now practising his version of “Tomorrow belongs to me”.
January 16th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
brought a smile in a gloomy day, thanksamillion. printed it for the “other half” to read and enjoy tonight, cheers!
January 16th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
theotherbear, there’s not enough spontaneous singing in open plan offices. I’d let rip with something rousing every morning. Blondie’s good.
Daphne, I think that’s pretty damned selfish. There, I’ve said it. I mean I want me a wee bit of tomorrow too and I’m sure there are others. I don’t want to be subletting my tomorrow from anyone. Tell him to stop it immediately.
JenPen, why, you’rewelcomeamillion, hon. Got your lovely email. Thanks. x
January 16th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
You’re so right, Sam. Singing a song is a surefire way to chase off the blues, especially when it’s like your song here.
Hee hee!
Brilliant!
January 16th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Yeah. I always sing a song to cheer myself up as well. Sometimes I sing my favourite old Pink Floyd song: One of These Days (I’m Going to Cut You Into Little Pieces) and other times I simply wander around the house singing Willie Nelson’s “Crazy” in an Afrikaans accent.
January 17th, 2008 at 6:47 am
Well if that hasn’t just set me up for the day with a bright smile…
January 17th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Hi Sami,
Sorry, am in a huge rush and have to confess that I have not read your latest blog so this is a rudely irrelevant comment here. Just popping by to say can you drop me an email so I have your address again as have lost all my email addresses. Could you also pass me Tom’s too? My album is ready at last! Even I was starting to think it was all in my imagination.
Hope you’re well. When are you over in these parts next?
Lots of love!
Fluffag the Pontificater (sp?)
January 18th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Ha Ha Ha ! Nanas has got the wrong musical:)
‘Getting the scab off all in one go’ Just for that Missy you can go to bed without supper ! And be thankful that at least you can identify your lurgy.
Poor moi has a recurrent dizziness ( other than the blonde affliction) which is a puzzlement.
January 18th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
I picked up on GB’s mix up too, but felt it would be inadvisable to point it out to a 300lb adult gorilla…
January 19th, 2008 at 1:08 am
Rich chocolate custard
and smooth gel-ink pens
sausage with mustard
a night out with friends
red wine or white wine, martini or gin
dancing the tango and living in sin
When the…………
You’ve got me at it now! I’ll be doing this all night.
Have you thought of recording this for the storytellers blog? I’d love to hear you singing it.
January 19th, 2008 at 2:57 am
Brilliant. I’ve been humming the tune all day.
January 20th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Brilliant Sam, really brilliant. BTW that was my twenty dollars I lost in you house. There?s a man from Carlisle at work, and he arranges our afternoon sugar rush into soft and hard centres. Oh I loved Mary Poppins and her smiling Juliness, I wished and prayed that she might stay with those perfect children or better still come visit me. Of course we went to the pictures to see this on the big Adelphi screen in town, and it was a huge huge treat. Sam, what?s a poke?
Really enjoyed this Sam, too clever by far.
January 20th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
This had me singing along, all bright-eyed and Julie Andrews cheerful, sitting here in my freezing living room surrounded by empty beer bottles, sweetie papers, and kid laundry — not among my favorite things, but rather the products of them. I loved the scab reference, though it made me feel a little schizophrenic: “Ha ha, that’s great!” simultaneously with “No! Cover that with sun-screen right away, and don’t do it again!”
I caught the GB mess-up too, though assumed this was a tongue-in-cheek intentional mistake on his part. Or maybe Dick van Dyke’s interesting cockney inspired him so much that he just had to mention it?
January 21st, 2008 at 5:44 am
Julie Andrews is bowlegged. Thought you should know. So is Kate Moss.
Shouldn’t you get out the peas for Nanas? Hard ones:)
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:18 am
Yup it was better than a Spoon Full of Sugar, although remembering Dick Van Dyke, or Willie Transist Lesbian as he is known here, doing a cockney accent also cheers me up.
Apparantely Mr Depp’s Sweeney Todd has DVD tendencies, with a bit of Anthony Newley thrown in!
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:20 am
Ps I do a Dancing in the Dark jig with my dog, he loves Brucie.
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:02 pm
A wonderful opening for a carbuncular operetta. The littl’uns will have to do it (with appropriate motions) at the next school gig. Video. Yes, I want video of that!
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Sigh, I’ll be humming this all the live long day now. Bad, you are bad to the bone.
January 22nd, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Off topic: Thought you might enjoy this.
Cheers.
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Medbh, I sing the yellows to chase off the blues. It’s all about the greens, honey.
Bock, I, um, can’t wait to meet you. No, truly!
Conortje, ah look out, there’ll be another spurious war along in a minute to piss you off again.
Fluffag, OK, hun. I’m on it.
Pat, I’d get it seen to if it persists. It might be as simple as an inner ear infection but still, best to be safe. Were you not a scab-picker then? I loved picking mine. I’d fall over just so’s I could have a scab to pick.
Kim, he’s only 300lb? Damn. I like a bit of meat on my silverbacks. Something to grab hold of, knowworrImean?
Eryl, I cannae and willnae sing into a microphone otherwise I might’ve put it on Storytellers. Sausages with mustard, ooooh yes! I’ve always thought it a happy accident that gin rhymes so well with sin.
CanSavWin, hi! Thanks for stopping by. It’s one of them ear-worm thingies, isn’t it. The Germans have got a horrible sinister word for it. Which is so unlike them.
Sniffly, a poke is a piece of paper fashioned into a wee conical package, suitable for the conveyance of diamonds and a fish suppers. I too worship at the altar of Poppins. Come let us chim-cheroo together as is meet and right!
Mary, glad you liked, My Sweet. I understand what you’re saying. it’s more than once that my husband’s had to tell me not to throw the babies out with the beer-bottles. And me too! I’m a sunscreen Nazi!
Pat, bow-legged? What bowed them? However did she skip so blithely over fields of edelweiss?
Anna, Willie Transit Lesbian – hahahahahahahaha! I’ve read that a few times now and snarfed heartily every time. Love it! But a Dancing In The Dark jig? I can see a Dancing In The Dark grind, or tango or even a Dancing In The Dark cha-cha, but a jig? Film it immediately and post it on My Gap Year. With the dog. I have to see this jig.
Conan, I’ve just pressed Anna (Apprentice above) for a video of a Dancing In The Dark jig with her dog. I’m afraid ours would be a poor offering indeed, up against that.
Fatmammycat, you know it baby. I have ASSHOLE spelled out on my forehead with industrial studs. Oh yeah.
Rand, hold up, I’m away for a look.
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Ha Rand, smashing! Might have to bookmark him.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Fantastico!
“Pregnancy giving you Dolly-sized boulders”