Nature Loud In Beak And Quake.
What the hell is up with this land? There have been birds tweeting all night long! I’m half insane with it. I mean, look here, Songbirds, this isn’t New York. Get to sleep you knobby-kneed fluffballs! This is the country and you’re supposed to know rural laws better than anyone. You’re meant to go to bed at sundown, as cutely as you can manage it – heads under wings and adorable stuff like that. You’re not meant to party til dawn. Unless you invite me, I’m just not going to have that sort of deafening twitterfest in the garden all night long. I know there was at least one of you still tweeting “I Will Survive!” at 5am. That’s not even right! You should be on to 80s stadium rock and vomiting by that hour. Pathetic.
And far beneath our feet California’s fate is being shaped (and cracked) by massive seismic forces beyond our control. Is this why the birds are tweeting at night? They know first, you know, the animals…
We live about 100 yards from a fault called the Villanova fault – part of the Lion Canyon fault complex, which despite sounding like a West Coast Woody Allen kitty-based neurosis is really something that might bring our whole lives crashing about our ears. Cos the big one’s coming.
There was a big report at the weekend saying that California is 99% likely to have a 6.7 or more magnitude earthquake
in the next 30 years. We’re way overdue and they reckon Southern, as opposed to Northern, California is more likely
to be hit. It could happen today, next week or next decade but it’s coming, that’s for sure.
California has so many fault lines it looks like the leg of a varicose-vein sufferer. Some are gentle sliders and are less dangerous but the section of the San Andreas fault – which is the one expected to judder, setting off a chain of judders in the other faults – that goes through the LA basin is a sticker and in a 7.5 earthquake they predict surface ruptures and a shift of 12 feet. There’s a 46% chance of one that big.
California just doesn’t like people living on it. She’s* dry and fiery, then, if we’re still clinging to it after that, it’s wet, flooded and mud-slidey, and if we still haven’t got the message it doesn’t want itchy people on her back, California will heave a massive shoulder and try to shake us off. There are more hostile lands to live on, and all in all, California’s been pretty patient with us and put up with a lot, but she’s about to wake from a nap and she’ll be grouchy when she discovers we’re still there.
So what can we do about it? Bolt all the bookcases and pictures to the walls because it’s the falling stuff that’ll kill you. Have an emergency back-up source for power. Get together a kit with food, water-purification tablets and first-aid stuff, and don’t step on cracks in the sidewalk I guess. I don’t know but I think I’ll start with getting a gun and shooting all the bloody night-tweeters. As long as our every moment is potentially parlous, I want to get my rest so I’ll look fabulous when I’m being crushed under a bridge somewhere, whenever that shrieky, shaky day comes.
I worry about the kids mostly. They’re really small. It would only take a tiny wee crack to disappear them.
But seriously, poo.
* You can tell Florida is a boy just by looking at him but I’m assuming California’s a girl cos she has an “a” on the end of her name, and then there’s the whole San Francisco bay area. If you are a boy though, California, please accept my apologies.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I always thought California was a gay man, but maybe that’s just San Francisco. This earthquake thing is worrying. I think the state government should try to induce it to get it over with. There must be a way.
April 17th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
If California was a boy, he’d just say “no problem”.
California ain’t no boy.
April 17th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Perfect. Prettily pondering perching precariously on a probable precipice, PCB pronosticates pragmatically, provocatively, & protectively per prepubescent progeny, plates,pyrosis, puddles & pipits,pacifically partaking of prosciutto, pate, papaya, pinot grigio & prawns.
Presto.
April 17th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
A shur, don’t all places have their faults. We just have to love them for what they are.
ps. I’ve been doing the avoid cracks on the pavement thing since I was knee-high to a lawnmower. I’d be safe, right?
April 17th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Rise up this morning
growled at the rising sun
three little birds
pitch by my door step
singing sweet songs
of melodies pure and true
that is when I realised
how early in the morning it was
I went
and got my .22
I picked them off
simply one by one
and went, I went back to sleep
I did
Sleeping in, it is a good good thing
April 17th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Why are the words used in pregnancy and earthquakes the same. Mostly starting with S.
April 18th, 2008 at 12:23 am
Nanas, California’s not as gay as Texas. They dress up as cowboys there, yeeha etcetera if you know what I mean (taps nose). Besides, any self-respecting gay man would never wear Berkeley corduroy with Malibu heels, baby.
Bock, I agree, although many would argue that LA bears more than a passing resemblance to a scrotal sac.
Alli Teratesalot, “prosciutto, pate, papaya, pinot grigio & prawns” are just what one needs when one is clinging to survival after an earthquake! You are one smart consonantal alliterative device, so you are, (and if you don’t mind being called a device)! I shall pack some semi-immediately! The pinot grigio especially would help with the old hoping against hope for any sign of rescue bits. A pleasing plethora of pees, by the bloomin’ way.
Sneezy, California’s actually gone into therapy because all the other states keep bringing up he faults at dinner. She has an unhealthy relationship with Nevada though which doesn’t help. He’s a cad. Totally using her to get to Hawaii.
Brianf, believe me, the melodies I was hearing at 3am this morning weren’t pure or true. One husky voiced thrush was singing a song of love, class A drugs and regret. It was a lot like Amt Winehouse only featherier.
Vincent, you’re right – shrieky, shaky, shouty, shirty, shuddery and shoogly just about sums them both up. And “oh shit that was shore” too, obviously.
April 18th, 2008 at 2:53 am
Sam, I think for family reasons I would choose to live elsewhere. Especially if, as you suggesst, even the birds in the trees know that the passage of time only increases the probability and likely magnitude.
April 18th, 2008 at 2:55 am
While the birds are singing everything’s fine. It’s when they all suddenly stop at the same time you want to dive under the table or into the cupboard under the stairs.
April 18th, 2008 at 4:54 am
Every so often around here, we’ll get a news story on the New Madrid Fault Zone wherein they tell us how horrible it will be and how woefully unprepared we are. Unfortunately, none of us listen because we’re either standing on our roofs to avoid the flood waters or cowering in our basements hiding from tornadoes. So you see, I’d offer you and yours a place to hole up, but I’m afraid you would be jumping from the frying pan into the fire.
Cheers.
April 18th, 2008 at 5:44 am
Sorry. Swept up in savoring a string of surprisingly spectacular sunny seaside spring….shit
*Shrugs*
Here’s the “g” I owe you…..
April 18th, 2008 at 8:11 am
Under the table and between the door lintel and then look out for the tsunami. Are you near the ocean? Are you near Naomi? It would be a good opportunity to learn a bit of geography before it’s too late. Photos?
April 18th, 2008 at 8:38 am
California is like me. Menopausal.
April 18th, 2008 at 11:29 am
That’s more than a bit worrying. The kind of thing that keeps you awake at night and wondering what the hell you’d do…
There’s a flock of birds that gather on the transmission mast near our house during the summer months and they’re inevitably there come dusk and dawn, chirping their little avian hearts out… It depends on how tired I am as to whether I find it lovely or annoying
April 18th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
There was a big report at the weekend saying that California is 99% likely to have a 6.7 or more magnitude earthquake
in the next 30 years.
They’ve been saying that about the whole west coast since I was but a child. By my calculations, we’ve got 20 years left to worry before we’re out of the woods. Of course, they told New Olreans for a hundred years that one bad hurricane down the Mississippi would be the end of them…but if it doesn’t happen in a reasonable amount of time…people just stop believing it.
Not helping shit, am I.
April 18th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I don’t know why that whole thing went italic. But I like it.
April 19th, 2008 at 5:28 am
Holy Crap!
How prescient was this post?
April 19th, 2008 at 9:27 am
ok, my calculations suck. ten years…there are ten years left to worry. i was a child 20 years ago. and now i need a drink.
April 19th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
And there was I thinking California was a no-fault state.
Dana Andrews is a boy, and he has an “a” on the end of his name. As well as an “s”. Because he was a pluralist.
Long day. Winds a-blowin’ hard outside. I’m off to piss in the wrong direction.
April 21st, 2008 at 1:54 am
now you know why i moved, sugar! at least here, you get a hurricane warning! xoxox
April 21st, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Found this for you, anon:
I woke early one morning
The Earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away
He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun
It seemed his very trilling
Brought up the morning sun
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head!
I’m not a morning person.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:09 am
Conan, I’ve half assembled our earthquake emergency kit and have one for the car too. There’s just been a fairly sizeable one right in the mid-west though, where there are no fault lines so I guess you takes your chances anywhere, especially in the US. In Minnesota a tornado went whipping past out house and, down in the basement with the cat, it was one of the most terrifying things in my life, especially as i knew my husband was driving home in it.
Kim, you’re right. I should fashion some sort of Tweetometer so when tweeting falls below a certain level in the garden, sirens and klaxons and twirly lights go off all over the neighbourhood.
Rand, how spooky you should bring that up given the past few days. I read though that this was a trembler unassociated with the New Madrid line as they first thought, but with another older line. Am I remembering that right?
Alli Teratesalot, cheers for the “g” but really I’m more concerned about the balance of r deficit. Rs are where the smart money goes these days – safer than gold.
Pat, we’re inland about 10 miles and uphill, so it would take a mighty wave indeed before we got our feet wet. Ventura and Santa Barbara and all the wee coastal towns in between are very very vulnerable though. Fdotunately, given California’s rumbly nature off-shore and on, things are pretty well monitored and there are big emergency sirens all along the coast. The hope is that loss of life would be minimal but damage to buildings and property could be huge. I’m more afraid of a quake onshore – of being in a car and the road breaching or a bridge falling on us -despite their being built to withstand earthquakes.
Jali, lets concentrate on the pausal part of that!
jen, after a brief flurry of unmitigated panic, I’m learning to cope with the threat of it the same way Californians always have. Oddly enough, given all the neurotic Hollywood types around, there is a buoying stoicism here about natural disasters that I admire. It’s a part of life and the only thing we can do is be prepared. Earthquakes can be a great leveller, if you’ll pardon the pun – we’re all in it together, we’re none of us entirely safe, and when the time comes everyone will help each other out. I admire that attitude.
Kara, your’s is the reasonable, stoic attitude to it all I’m trying to emulate.
Sea Dreams, the thing about the MIdwest is that earthquakes there, though less frequent, could cause much more damage because the houses aren’t built to earthquake code like all structures in California must be by law. The 1925 quake in Santa Barbara levelled 60 city blocks of adobe construction but now we have a better idea about constructing buildings with a bit of “give” (unsettling as that sounds to me anyway)
Kara, I was thinking of drinking my way through the earthquake too when it comes. Only watered down gin for the girls and cat though, naturally. That way there’s more for me.
Eolai, California is certainly a well-cracked state and I’m not just on about the people. Having a good crack is commonly misunderstood to be a Celtic term but really it refers back to the great hootenanies of lore that took place in the enormous surface ruptures left by devastating quakes. How’d that wind-pissing go then?
Savannah, some day I’m going to get to your part of the world. Someday I am.
Honey, that cheered me right up this morning, cheers!
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:24 am
Plus there’s all those empty houses the bank took back or that no one can afford to own now, too.
Sam, you’re on your toes to keep the girls safe.
Don’t wreck yourself with worry.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:45 pm
You are correct about our recent tremblor. I, of course, slept through it no worse for the wear.
BTW, I answered your piracy question.
Cheers.
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I’d love to live in a country where challenging stuff happens. Ireland is just grey and stationary and looks like an asexual teddybear.
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:09 am
I’m with Conan. If I was living 100 yards from a major fault line I think I’d get the hell out. Particularly as I have a fear of falling (especially into suddenly appearing ravines). Why risk it when there are safer places to live? And you have kids to think about? Although as Kara says it might never happen – the media’s full of dire predictions that never come true.
I love twittering birds, I find it a soothing sound, they never keep me awake, they’re more likely to send me into a deep sleep. And hang on, Florida has an “a” at the end as well…
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:10 am
Looked up Ventura Co. on the goo’. It looks like Lu was pushing a point one day and came down hard with a slap. You can see the marks of the nails N of town.
What are those squares towards the edge of town. They have the look of forts, built by the Romans to keep the english from annoying the people. Kind of Hadrian to arrange it, as it must have cost him a bit.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:23 am
Medbh, I’ve calmed down a bit now, darling. As long as we’re sorted for a month’s supply of Crunchies when the Big One comes, I’m ready to roll with the waves, baby.
K8, be glad Ireland’s stationary! Be glad the finger of God doesn’t single you out for destruction via a tornado. I’d take a bit of the North Atlantic wind and weather I know and sorta trust not to kill me, over the increasingly extreme weather we’re getting in the US. Not only the sky wants us gone, but the ground does too. And have i told you about the black widow spiders? Or the tarantula they found at my daughters’ kindergarten? The fauna are none too pleased with us either.
Vincent, I don’t know what the squares are but around Ventura there are a lot of nodding donkeys – these small-scale oil-wells that run day and night. The area’s got enough oil for smallholders to make a living and, now that we’re at $111 a barrel, some of these pumps are being pressed into commission again for the first time in decades. They must look weird from above. We’re up the road about 10 miles, in Ojai.
April 24th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I got wet.
July 30th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
There. You said it. Right again, Sammy. Right again.