Too Too Sleepy Post About Anniversaries
Today is the Problem Husband’s and my 9th anniversary. We met when I was 21 and married when I was 25 so really we’ve been bothering each other for more like 13 years. I looked it up though and the 13th anniversary is lace.
Hubbles is not really so big on the lace, and, although I’m sure he could enjoy a nice doiley or have about 40 seconds worth of polite remarks on the craftsmanship of a table-cloth, I’m not all that keen on doilies myself, as it goes. Plus, giving one’s husband lace, even well-meant, non-vitriolic lace, has all too often marked a precipitous downturn in the health of many marriages. Trust is violated – the unspoken trust a man has in his wife that she will never ever attempt to give him lace. On any occasion. That sort of thing can cause deep hurts and irrepairable harm to a married couple. So we’ll deal with lace when we have to, and not before.
The anniversary 9th is pottery which isn’t what we need at all. We are bullish on pottery – not in a china-shop way, of
course – then we’d be bearish on it, I guess. In any event, we’re all potteried up, perhaps even faultily so.
What we lack is towels. Our towels are constantly being stolen by aliens who don’t have our towel-making technology, and so, by the power vested in me by me, I declare this anniversary in the Problem household, the anniversary of towels. So be it!
(My eyelids are closing as I type this so sorry for any really bad misspellings or mistakes.)
July 4th, 2008 at 12:54 am
Happy anniversary.
See? See?
July 4th, 2008 at 1:06 am
You could lace his coffee with something. Then while he sleeps you potter off to buy towels.
July 4th, 2008 at 2:02 am
I think you could always wear the lace for him.
It’s certainly got to be more erotic than wearing pottery…
July 4th, 2008 at 3:03 am
Antimacassars, it’s time they were brought back… does he gel?
Very happy anniversary to you both, Sam.
ps… definitely not towels, the ‘throwing in the towel’ connotation!
July 4th, 2008 at 4:23 am
Kim beat me to it. Lace undies, surely, Sam.
Happy anniversary to you both anyway and big congrats.
July 4th, 2008 at 5:52 am
Wine, if it’s nine it must be a wine anniversary. Oh sorry, no that’s Fridays.
That marriage thing, quantum leaps of compromise with a big eating of own words glug.
Enjoy.
July 4th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Happy Anniversary darling.
July 4th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Happy Anniversary!
You could have bought a lacey lingerie item as a gift for the Problem Husband.
Hmm?
July 4th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Gimme, a coffee ring! Woohoooo!
Sneezy, ooh I like that. But for some reason it makes me think of that film “Arsenic And Old Lace”. I don’t think we need explore that route right at the moment but…oh my God, my coffee tastes funny!!!
Kim, “It?s certainly got to be more erotic than wearing pottery?” You haven’t seen my jugs. Boom boom!
Conan, cheers! Antimacassars never went away in some areas of Lewis though. I wouldn’t throw the towel in, and I don’t think he would either at this point. He might be more inclined to thwhack me about the legs with one, some days, but so far our towels haven’t been weaponised.
Prendy, thanks, toots! Lace undies are all very well but they’re not good water absorbers after a shower. I wonder if you get towelling undies?
Sniffle, what’s a good wine to drink with one’s own words, I wonder? it might have to be a dessert wine or a port, to go with the humble pie.
fatmammycat, cheers, toots.
Medbh, thanks. “You could have bought a lacey lingerie item as a gift for the Problem Husband.” I’m not sure they do them in his size.
July 4th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Congrats to you both.
July 4th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Happy Anniversary, dear, to you and the PH.
Frankly, I always thought the naming of anniversaries was just a department store gimmick to allow women to continue to receive wedding-shower type gifts. One can clearly see that because I’m still waiting for the “Steak Dinner Followed By A Roll In The Hay” Anniversary.
As for lace, go with something for his shoes, unless he favors slip-ons.
July 4th, 2008 at 10:52 am
R. Sherman is right! And the presents get more valuable as you get older, when you have less time and inclination to use them. Paper anniversary should be last, and precious metals should come up earlier. But in any case, who needs all this conspicuous consumerism?
I’m waiting for the “we-won-the-lottery-you-can-quit-your-job-and-buy-a-horse” anniversary. When is that?
July 4th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Forgot to say Happy Anniversary. Drink up!
July 4th, 2008 at 11:18 am
I suppose if one were wed to Sir Percy Blakeney aka the Scarlet Pimpernel lace could be relevant ( I do like doileys and anything that reminds me of mum and gran.) Any hoo congrats on your anniversaries and may you have many many more. How about that for stage name – Minnie Minnie Moore. Ok so we have family and I’ve had two glasses.
July 4th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Happy anniversary, PCB & be grateful you actually have a gift suggestion.
Mine’s on Sunday & there is no traditional gift for it (23rd). In olden times obviously no-one lived that long. Lucky bastards.
July 4th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Cheers, Twenty. Nice tea tonight!
Rand, thanks! And, if steak be the food of love, gobble on, old chum. Gobble on. I only remembered the anniversary symbols after Pat’s post the other day. And there may indeed be a pair of novelty shoelaces in a little ribboned box for the PH this evening! We don’t do big presents
Andraste, I expect there will be some drinkables around later. How are ya? great to see you in circulation again!
Pat, my granny’s house was doily heaven or hell depending on your point of view. She had some gorgeous linens though and when they were all out together at Christmas and such, the doilies looked kinda nice with it all. I object to the dusting hassles of doilies but I have been known to stick them on the trays of sick family members just for that kind of “cared for” sense it’s nice to feel when you’re laid up. Mostly though, they’re too fussy for me.
Tinman18, congratulations to you too sir! 23 years is some rich, enduring love. Have a great day, Sunday! Off to Google the origin of these gift suggestions.
July 4th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
When Medbh wrote “gift for the PH”, she omitted “… to be worn by you.”
Many congratulations, and all the luck you need for the future.
July 4th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
A bit about the history of specific gift giving on anniversaries. Seems it developed over time from the Middle Ages:
FIRST
The practice of giving peculiar gifts on various wedding anniversaries originated in Central Europe. Among the medieval Germans it was customary for friends to present a wife with a wreath of silver when she had lived with her husband twenty-five years. The silver symbolized the harmony that was assumed to be necessary to make so many years of matrimony possible. On the fiftieth anniversary of a wedding the wife was presented with a wreath of gold. Hence arose ’silver wedding’ and ‘golden wedding.’ This practice, borrowed from the Germans, has been elaborated upon in modern times.” Source: George Stimpson, Information Roundup (1948)
THEN
“The Victorians, so fond of cataloging and classifying, were likely the first to adapt ancient customs into a prescribed list of gifts for each wedding anniversary.”
Source: Gretchen Scoble and Ann Field, The Meaning of Wedding Anniversaries
THEN
“Prior to 1937, only the 1st, 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, 25th, 50th, and 75th anniversary had a material associated with it. In 1937, the American National Retail Jeweler Association issued a more comprehensive list, which associated a material for each anniversary year up to the 20th and then each fifth year after that up to the 75th, with the exception of the 65th.” Source: Cookie Lee, Wedding Anniversaries: from paper to diamond
July 4th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Thanks, Inkspot!
July 4th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Soooooo not a shotgun job then- and to the rest of the commenter’s, you did the maths as well , bastards-
Have a gentle and proper enjoyment of your best meeting
July 4th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Thanks, Vincent, gentle and proper it will have to be because I’m taking the girls to school tomorrow at 8am to get ready to march in the July 4th parade.
And huh? Maths? Do you mean the girls? Nope, no shotgun. We had almost 3 years before they came along.
July 4th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I wish I could say the same – though we did have 9 years before that…
Congrats, have a nice day, if not now then soon!
And towelling is a good idea, we got all towelled up with wedding gifts and they’re enduring well.
May your be giant, creamy and fluffy. Fluffy, even!
July 4th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
happy anniversary……towels are in the post……..so don’t hold your breathe
July 4th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
reenact the pottery scene from ghost…?
July 5th, 2008 at 12:25 am
yeesh…i haven’t ever even owned anything for that length of time. this post has my commitment phobic eye twitching. i’d say “cheers”, but i really do need to go see to it.
July 5th, 2008 at 2:34 am
meala-naidheachd oirbh!
(see, what you don’t realise is that there are a glut of your posts sitting in my feed reader with little stars beside them, waiting for the day when i can come up with a comment witty enough to be worthy of them. but then you post something personal and i get to just congratulate you. that’s nice!)
July 5th, 2008 at 3:23 am
Congratulations to you both
It was our 2nd wedding anniversary the other day and, handily enough, that is cotton, I think. Since the towel monster has also been creeping out at night to eat all our offerings lying in piles around the house, I think it’s a good excuse to go shopping…
July 5th, 2008 at 3:48 am
Congratulations
July 5th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Those towel-stealing aliens of whom you speak – would they also be one-legged aliens perhaps, wearing the single missing socks of the world?
July 5th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
You haven?t seen my jugs. Boom boom
Bwaahhaahaa.
I know it shouldn’t have, but it did catch me by surprise and make me laugh out loud
July 5th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Happy 232nd anniversary.
Rebels
You’ll be back.
July 5th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Mrs. Waring and I recently “celebrated” our 12th anniversary which I was told by her was our silk or linen anniversary. Not wishing to be inappropriate, I took the diamond earrings that I had bought her back to the bloke in the pub and instead got her a nice set of monogrammed tea towels. She seemed a tad underwhelmed and somewhat begrudgingly handed over what turned out to be a silk leopard print banana hammock as my gift.
I can’t wait for our 18th which I believe is dedicated to Bismuth, an ingredient in lubricating greases….
July 5th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Jo – our dessert last night was giant and fluffy and creamy (and peanutty and chocolatey and Kahlualy)! Nom nom nom.
Manuel, ha! And cheers!
Hi Kiki, nice thought but we have two kindergartners so we already have a lifetime’s collection of puzzling pottery lumps. It would hurt our feelings if we couldn’t manage something more sophisticated than them.
Kara, I married my best friend and I guess it didn’t really seem like a huge wrench to go from being single to being married. Life before and after marriage continued much as before but I do recommend living together first for at least 6 months before the subject of marriage is even brought up.
Rosie, you, my daftie girl, are making me blush, all kind and generous and misguided as you are. x. We had a fabby evening and today is July 4th so we’re off to the fireworks with the girls tonight – yipeeees!
Jen, ta! And congratulations yourself! Something is going to have to be done about the rate at which the aliens are harvesting our towels. I’d be willing to let them have the darned towel-making instructions but they won’t come out of their saucers. They say they’re afraid we’ll laugh at their tentacles.
Cheers, King Bob. How should I address you? Your Maj? That do it?
Bock, the aliens have an odd number of tentacles so they need to pilfer an odd number of socks but they only steal one from each drawer at a time so as not to arouse suspicion. Damned aliens.
Kim, every time someone likes my jokes a new one gets its wings in my heart! If I bore the living freckles off my family with my jokes tonight at the fireworks, I shall direct them to you for the blame.
Docs, sometime in the next year I am on course to becoming a citizen of these here united states, but even as I raise my eyes to the flag with my hand on my heart, I’ll have shortbread in one pocket and an Irn Bru in the other, and a wee nip of something for later. I will be a Teuchter-American.
Eddie, congratulations on 12 years! I have to say a silk leopard print banana hammock sounds like one of the best presents on the planet. Blondes should never lie on leopard skin print though, it’s inclined to make us look brassy. I’d have to go for a banana hammock in a nice Friesan cow print or something. I shall keep my fingers crossed that you go on to achieve Bismuth, as it were.
July 6th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
You have to enjoy the moxy of the 14 yo little thug when asked ‘next year when you will have a free card do you think that you will beat Venus’. Answered, ‘ She’s goin Downnn’.
But somehow or another they will ruin her. Some little tit will snap her in or after gym and the papers rather than spike it will print. The childs only hope is Oz, for that’s what she reminds me, with her look of a none too reformed sheep taker.
PS, the interviewer was as tortured as that.
July 7th, 2008 at 9:56 am
a little late, but congratulations, sugarpie!!!!! xoxoxox
July 7th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Damn my lack of clarity!
Thanks Inkspot, that’s what I meant.
July 7th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Happy belated anniversary!
I get frequent visits from your alien-towel-stealers’ cousins. The alien-towel-users. The little fuckers sneak into my house and use my newly plump delicious towels and turn them into hard mean pieces of hard raspy towel.
July 8th, 2008 at 4:34 am
Are you still asleep?
July 8th, 2008 at 11:47 am
How romantic. Happy anniversary.
July 8th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
thanks for the laugh out loud. i needed it.
k-)
July 8th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Vincent, I had to Google that because I didn’t watch the girls or the boys tournaments at Wimbledon. I’d barely enough time to watch the singles matches. In fact I didn’t have enough time so I made the girls watch it with me. PC1 thought it was all a gigantic bore but PC2 started wearing a wee white skirt and bashing a shuttlecock around.
Savannah, thanks!
Medbh, never worry, toots, I’m just a willful obfuscator, is all.
Thanks, LaughyKate. Put tin-foil round the window and doors. That’s what I do. Their towel-detectors cannot detect through aluminium.
Pat, it’s been a long weekend.
Cheers, Nonny!
Hey, Karl, thanks yourself.
July 8th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Belated anniversary congratulations to you and the problem husband. Are you really going to be an American soon? Gosh.
July 8th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Yah, I put it in the wrong post, it was intended for the Andy one.
Given that anyone who had a smell, a fee fie fow fum type of smell Had a BBC camera rammed into pointed at and generally filmed as if they were about to undertake a very very difficult film stunt, ha, a once off type of stunt. They would have filmed the under eights if they thought that there was a winner in it for ‘em.
Every so often I forget just how bad they are when they win at anything.
I since found out that Robson is from OZ.