Mish Mash Mosh
Silly America. It’s said I can become a citizen! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of my life. My naturalization ceremony will take place at a mystery date in the next 2-3 months and, alongside 6000 other furners in a sports arena, all of us huddled together – huddled, one might almost say like some sort of a mass yearning to be free, although equally one might not – I will pledge allegiance to the Flag and vow to punch anyone being mean about the Constitution.
I’m looking forward to it. I’ve long been in love with the founding principles of this country. True, the Founding Fathers were flawed, some of them deeply so, especially with respect to slavery, but together they came up with a brilliant groundbreaking document filled with truly enlightened convictions on how their new Republic should be set up to guarantee people the right to liberty and self-determination. Their ideas were noble and good and as much as we fail (and they failed) to live up to them, the ideas themselves continue to be excellent anchors to principles and precepts not quite yet lost. I don’t think “America is the best country in the world” or any such ridiculous statement, but I do sign on to its ideals, however remote we may seem to be from them at times.
Mostly, I want to be a citizen because I want to vote, and have a voice in the country my children are growing up in. I want them to see me vote and for them to go on and become voters who will beget voters who will beget more voters and then that’s it, because that’s as far as my mind will beget at the moment.
Despite being required by the US to renounce my allegiance to all other countries, I will be continue to be British too because officially all Britons are subjects of the Crown. I could renounce Britain until I’m star-spangled in the face but apparantly Queenie doesn’t recognise my renunciation. She just doesn’t, that’s all. She probably wakes up on an average morning to her private secretary saying “Another couple of renouncers today, Ma’am”, and I expect she doesn’t miss a beat while uncurling her rollers and trilling “Well, it’s a jolly good thing I don’t recognise that sort of thing then, Fortescue, isn’t it? Now do pass the royal boiled egg, won’t you, I am hungrier than a bleedin’ mofo this morning”.
And continues with her day.
Being a subject doesn’t bother me as much as some people think it ought to. I know that ideologically it’s pretty crap and everything but, as it doesn’t mean much at all in practical terms, I can’t get that exercised about it. The royals only cost us 40p each a year and I’m pretty sure most of us have that kicking about down the sides of our sofas. And besides, it’s not their fault they were born royal. It looks like a pretty crappy life, really, with all that duty and precedent and protocol and having to show up to places you really can’t be arsed showing up to:
“But, Beh-ttieee, I just fancied a quiet night in with Eastenders and a spot of Glenmorangie!”
“Phillip, you know perfectly well you have to go and present a silver plunger to the retiring head of the Welsh Plumber’s Assn. this evening!” (The queen can actually say Assn, like that. They train her to say that stuff. Actually they train her to say thet stuff, but thet’s neither here nor there.)
“Look, I can’t go, can I?” the Queen will probably continue. “I have to be at the Barnstaple community-run eco-supermarket-opening by six, and then these bloody Blairs are coming over for a while. After thet I have to get to bed early because we’re orf to Fife first thing to tour a trifle-sponge-making fectory.”
“But what’s the bally point in being the Queen if you can’t decide to take a day orf?”
“Dyootay, Phillip, dyootay. Now go and take thet negligee orf, the car will be here any minute. You will try not to insult anyone tonight, Phlippers, won’t you? The papers are saying that the people are fond enough me and Anne but think the rest of you are a waste of space and money. “An appalling old anachronism” I think the Telegraph called you the other day. The Telegraph!”
That conversation must happen …ooooooh… ’bout every-other-nightly, I’d say, down the palace.
Really and honestly, I’m kind of glad I’ll still be a Brit. because it would be strange indeed to think of th’ould sod as foreign. Dual nationality is a pretty cool thing though, and without being able to have it I reckon I’d have had to think a lot longer and harder about becoming an American citizen. All in all, if being a subject is all I have to do to hang onto my British citizenship then it’s all right by me. So foot in both camps straddling the pond and trying not to let Iceland see my metaphorical knickers – that’s for me.
~oOo~
Haven’t been posting much lately on account of being a bit busy. Plus in the evenings the Olympics are on and there are all sorts of incredible bouding and leaping and running and flying bodies to watch. I have a mounting stack of books I want to read too. Blogging eats up reading time like anti-matter swallows galaxies – with a terrifying, all-consuming indifference to the rest of life and a great rip in the Book-Time continuum.
If I’m not around commenting for a few days here and there, don’t think it’s because I don’t love all your lovely selves and your fine blogs. One good blog-pal has emailed to make sure I’m not avoiding them and I feel horrible to have given them that impression because I swear there’s nothing personal in my visiting patterns. The nature of some blogs has me save them up for when I’ve got the time to sit down for an extended read, savour them and do them justice. Others are more suited to those times when you have short 10 minute intervals here and there to pop in and out during the day during those times the children don’t seem to need much raising other than telling them not to do that to daddy’s iPod again.
I’m really sorry if I’ve made anyone else think I was going cool on them. I promise that’s not the case. If you’re on my sidebar I love you, and a whole other bunch of blogs besides. Blogging’s a time-gobbler though and so for a week or so I’m gonna just watch the Olympics and read the things I’ve been meaning to read. I’ll prolly be around, just a lil’ bitty less for a lil’ bitty while, is all.
PS. Is there anyone who believes the Chinese women’s gymnastics team are all 16 or over? The telly tells me they are 16 and it says so on all their documents but my eyes are screaming “No blimmin way, Pedro! That wee one’s got to be 12 at the very, very absolutest of mosts!”
August 12th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
so yer going to lie to the yanks, well done. Whats wrong with dual citizenship? remember the Queen knows when you’ve been naughty or nice.
August 13th, 2008 at 2:27 am
your post reminded me of this. apparently us micks are micks regardless of what our passports may say.
August 13th, 2008 at 3:03 am
Yep, your correct about the development of those little girls, but not just the Chinese, all of them. There seems to be some point or level where growth is halted by exercise much like anorexia.
If you were Irish the Yanks reckon you can hold allegiance to both Republics. BTW, is it an annex to the republican party you intend to establish. And with that I wish I had some of those smiley faces.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:38 am
I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds blogging eats time. I only visit a newborn’s handful of blogs yet I can spend a whole day at it. Yesterday, for example, I found myself having to dive into the shower when I heard hubby’s key in the door at his usual 7.30pm and had to pretend I’d spent the day cleaning the house ‘from top to bottom’, luckily he’s blind to filth.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:40 am
alongside 6000 other furners in a sports arena, all of us huddled together – huddled, one might almost say like some sort of a mass yearning to be free
Actually, it’s a more a yearning to get to the complimentary buffet and goodie bags they pass out at the end: a little flag, a copy of the Constitution, some baseball cards, etc. You know, just enough to show you we care.
BTW, the Crowns refusal to recognize a renunciation of citizenship was the basis for the War of 1812. The Royal Navy would impress American sailors who’d been born in Britain from American merchant ships and whalers the RN would stop in mid-ocean.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:56 am
I thought naturalization was all about taking your clothes off. In which case Iceland would see more than your knickers.
August 13th, 2008 at 5:02 am
It’s the age old problem. You write the best blog post for ages, then everyone disappears on holiday or gets stuck watching the olympics.
Does this mean you’ll start wearing tartan? I’ve never met a Scot that wears it, but Americans who claim Scots roots seem to wear little else. Expecially in Scotland.
August 13th, 2008 at 6:17 am
I’ve known several folks who have taken the plunge to become citizens. Your description of the founding fathers was spot on and I adored your second paragraph.
I’m scarce in blogging also. There is too much to be devoured on the olympic telecast of an evening. …and if at least one of those Chinese girls isn’t 12, I’ll show Iceland my knickers.
August 13th, 2008 at 6:45 am
Sorta like a secret agent with multiple identities. Mr Windsor has never really done it for me, course we like to hold onto our 700 year ol pain, we?ll prolly never let go. Pity the Concord?s not flying cause it would make the duality thing faster and sexy. Limpics are brilliant, I won?t hear of any doping, I have my ears covered for the duration. Come back soon.
August 13th, 2008 at 7:35 am
It’ll be interesting to see you when you’re fully naturalised, with all those creepers growing around you and the nice little snowdrops coming up in the Spring. Little families of squirrels gambolling around your roots and maybe the odd mushroom peeping out here and there.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:25 am
BE an American citizen by all means but I’m delighted you won’t give us up. That would be a great shame.
August 13th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Old Knudsen, but she’d never make it down the chimney. Dual citizenship is a wonderful thing. It would be weird to no longer be the same nationality as my folks.
Rosie, the Americans don’t insist the Irish renounce their Irishness when they become US citizens, but only the Irish. All other nationalities must renounce, as far as I know.
Vincent, I can only watch the high beam through cracks between my fingers.
Eryl, I am too scared to calculate the number of hours I’ve spent on this blogging business. I love this unusually intimate – yet not – window into other people’s lives. In other words I’m nosier than a herd of elephants.
Rand, I can always count on you for some interesting wee bit of history. Should there ever be another British-American war, God knows whose side I’d have to join. I doubt either would want me. But more importantly than history, there’s going to be food at this do? Fab!
Primanl Sneeze, we have one or two beaches tucked away round here like that. Hmm. It seems wrong somehow to use the term “tucked away” in reference to nudists.
Kim, the only tartan I ever wear is the tinker’s sort on my bare legs when I go swimming in the North Atlantic.
Sugar, I’m really getting into the diving and the swimming but I like the gymnastics the best. I don’t understand why they’ve disallowed perfect 10s in the scoring. Some of these athletes are giving pretty damn perfect performances.
Sniffle, if they were to say Michael Phipps was doped I think I would rip up the telly in heartbreak and never watch sport again.
Bock, It’s hard not to resent the government’s implication that I’m somehow unnatural, right now.
Pat, I would find it very hard indeed to give up my Britishness. I didn’t think I’d feel that strongly about it and i don’t really know why I do. Although I have a good and happy life in the US, I can’t help thinking I’ll go back home when I’m old. I think that’s it really, I still think of it as home.
August 13th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Yours sounds like a lot more fun than mine. I got naturalized with about 200 others in a stuffy room in New York with a US marshall barking orders at the lot of us.
August 13th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Sam, dear, I want you to pass the entrance exam. I’m sure someone in power — Cheney or Rove, probably — knows your British and wants to make sure you’re properly offended by the Royal Navy’s early 18th Century behavior. Just remember: at the end of the oath of citizenship, leave off the “God save the Queen” bit.
Cheers.
August 13th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Ah, you’ll be able to go to all the parties for naturalised Brits and meet fellows like Christopher Hitchens. I hear he’s a good dancer.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Congratulations on your impending citizenship, Sam. In other news, I’m going to see Leonard Cohen in November here in London! I’ve been formally released from parenting duties for precisely eight hours.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Those Chinese gymnasts have the faces of four year olds and bodies that look like they’ve spent their age squared training.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
i want to be royal. can you apply for that kind of thing?
August 14th, 2008 at 5:04 am
I like the idea of dual citizenship. #2 daughter has always wanted to know why she can’t have dual citizenship: her Grandmother was born in Chester, and lived there until she married G’Pa after WWII.
Same #2 daughter insists that one of the Chinese gymnasts still has her baby teeth! She is appalled that the Captain of the team was taken from her family at age 3 to begin training; she begged to come home, but her parents told her “No” since involvement in gymnastics was the family’s only chance for “a better life.”
August 14th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Since you’re a British subject will you become an American object?
August 14th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
I know I’ve said this to Gimme but I was only messin, but right here I so fucking mean it, heart and stuff, and really that the bed is too big without you. Marry me, not Bock, you asked me recently, didn’t you? (Forget about the complications, love will look after them, and people will give them food. No, come back now, it’s so fucking cold and bare without you. Did I mention loneliness and barrenness and waiting for Godot stuff cause know this is the specialist smartiest blog ever)
But are you coming back soon like the Bay City Rollers aren’t, cause they won?t become a tribute version of themselves, does this mean that you will become a tribute version of Sam.
Okay, the keyboard has had a couple of drinks, but what the fuck, he’s lonely. Soon? ish? Fuck the Limpics and that drug ridden fish Mikey Philips.
August 15th, 2008 at 1:31 am
So long as your official Americanisation doesn’t stop you being a begetful royaled egg eater, I’m happy for you. But I’m happier for the club you’re joining.
August 15th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Kara: it’s easier if you are born to it – see Princess Michael. Not!
August 16th, 2008 at 6:11 am
Aw, I think it’s great that you’re going to be an American! I used to coach my friends for their naturalization tests, and they were tough. Half the bozos born and raised in the U.S. couldn’t pass them, believe me. And remember — it’s not saluting the flag or knowing the preamble or who the 16th president was that is important; it’s insisting on your right to have five kinds of ho-hos and eighteen varieties of olive and half a zillion brands of potato chips (not crisps any longer, my girl!) that REALLY makes you American! And don’t forget to grow a big, fat butt!
But quite seriously, the reasons you stated for wanting to be an American made me cry. Good for you — honestly. We need more like you.
August 16th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Naturalized!? Goddanit I read it as neutralized and thought, ‘fark me, they’re right cranky over that side of the water. ‘ Yes, I think in a yorkshire accent, what of it?
August 16th, 2008 at 10:08 am
You’re joining a very unpopular team, Sam. Maybe Obama will help restore the world’s view.
Blogging is a total time suck, so don’t feel guilty about doing more important stuff such as watching your wee girls grow up.
August 16th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Congratulations. I am American born and bred and, yet, have this unaccountable interest in the UK. It almost makes me wonder about reincarnation. Having a foot in both countries (Iceland, keep those eyes down! Honestly, anyone would think you were Swedish!) sounds like a wonderful thing. Like most of my countrymen, however, I get weepy about America, purple mountain’s majsety, amber waves of grain, and probably the single best idea ever in the history of civilization. Welcome.
BTW I wrote a long post about the Queen (ER) back when the movie was out and it is one of the most popular posts on my blog. I have a bunch of ER pottery, coronation ware, commemortives of the Silver jubilee, what have you, all over my American house, which is strange. I am glad to hear you don’t mind maintaining your relationship with her.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:55 am
Go Yankee Doodle Dandy – I expect you to turn up for the ceremony in something similar to what Bubble is wearing here.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
if i’m out in cali, i’m droppin by, sugar! and sending flowers either way! xoxoxo take lots of pictures, ok?
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Isn’t it amazing? Americans who walk around saying “This is the greatest country on earth” and they haven’t ever fucking BEEN anywhere else. Lewis Black said it best – that’s….’a little fucking obnoxious.’
Now I’m going to actually READ the rest of the comments, and say now that if anyone pointed that out before I wasn’t DELIBERATELY being repetitive. I just have another drink to mix and wanted to get this in before I forgot what I wanted to say.
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Dyootay!
My wife’s Grandma is an old subject herself. Apparently she gets a pension of around $40/month in the ‘post’
Renunciation is a delicate matter. I tried it at a restaurant and the wait-staff still expected gratuity.
August 25th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Just popped in as a respite from painting a china cupboard. Seen you around- you don’t write you don’t phone…
Only teasing. Love ya!
August 25th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Quickroute, I get the feeling that the hall may be larger but the barking will be the same.
Rand, I wonder if anyone crosses their fingers when taking the oath. I passed the test though! 10 out of 10. My reading test was: The woman put her coat in her house.
Nanas, Hitchens is a puzzling man. I would like to meet him very much but he wouldn’t like it if a girl outdrank him.
Foots, you have made me a deeply jealous woman. I wish you gumboils and dandruff, you Cohen-seeing git.
Laughykate, their poor little skeletons have to be affected by all that hard training on growing bodies.
Kara, I think you can get an application form at the Post Office. Or is that stamps? Anyway, they’ve got Queenie on ‘em.
Debra, I read about that. It’s hard to admire gymnastic excellence in a country when it comes at such a high price. Apparantly the family got a house for life if she stayed with the program. Sounds a bit like a form of slavery to me.
Conan, ha! I couldn’t say for sure, toots – only that I’ll now be in the active, and no longer the passive voice.
Sniffs, you tell me the sweetest whoppers, you great daftie. It;s not Phelps, I’m suspicious of, it’s more the track and field lot. I heard Phelps described today as a human osprey with a wingspan two inches longer than his body is long.
Eolai, they’re not a bad old bunch are they, these Murkins? Few bad bananas at the top but, on the whole, not a bad bunch at all.
Pat, oh yes, what was it about her? i’ll have to have a Google.
Mary, I am looking forward to it. The toughest question they asked me was who is the chief Justice on the Supreme Court and I had to think for a few seconds before I said John Roberts. Apparently, after October, the test is going to get longer and more difficult, plus it will be written. I’m not sure whether that will help ESL applicants.
fmc, you often hear cries of “Infarc me!” at all you can eat buffets, as one more diner’s heart gives way with a mighty infarction, protesting at that last unwise sausage.
Medbh, they’re back to school again. First graders off to school with backpacks half their own body-weight just like tiny pigtailed marines. First grade – aagh! Far too quick, far, far too quick.
KSV, I feel a bit sorry for the Queen. Society has changed rapidly since she came to the throne. She herself has managed to weather it pretty well though. Most Britons like her and want to keep her. It’s all the hangers on, the cousins and whatnot that the public isn’t so keen on supporting.
August 25th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Daphne, I’ll do it! By gum, I’ll do it for you, darling!
savannah, I shall, toots! First day as an American demands lots of photos for sure.
Andraste, chin-chin, clink!
SafeT, I like to get in there with a good renouncing before anyone can pre-renounce me. Some of my best renouncing work has involved using marzipan as a prop.
Pat, I’ve been on a wee break, sweet lady. I’ll be over in the morning – see what you’re up to. How’s the collating coming?
August 27th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Princess Michael – Princess Pushy – eye to the main chance – using her position to further her career and make moolah.
Collating done in that it is in a fit state to present – has been offered twice, to encouraging rejection. Onward and upward.