The Biological Week In Review
Sensitive persons might want to look away.
The Biological Week In Review.
Look, I know it’s only Thursday, and it’s a bit early for a biological recounting of the week, but, I’m hoping tomorrow’s going to be a bit more theoretical.
- 1 tooth – lost
- 6 nostrils – plugged
- 20 fingernails – cut
- 30 toenails trimmed
- the contents of one human stomach – heaved
- the contents of one feline stomach – heaved x 3
- one eye held up close to the light – peered at
- one eyelash – removed
- one finger – squashed
- many screams – scrummed
- 32 ablutions – performed
- 3 foreheads fevered
- one cervix cotton-budded
- one growing leg – nocturnally pained
- one mole – fretted over
- one – paw stood on
- much excrement – scooped
- 18 feelings – hurt
- little sleep -had.
*
*News flash! My pal Eolai has put a cool painting of his up for auction on ebay. Shipping is free worldwide and 100% of the proceeds will go to St. Patrick’s Hospital And Marymount Hospice and Rape Crisis Network Ireland. Go see! I’ve bought a few of Eolai’s paintings and I love them. He’s a wonderful artist whose work is vibrant yet controlled; he makes Ireland look like it’s thrumming. *
February 26th, 2009 at 11:27 am
I forgot about the 3 coughs being hacked.
February 26th, 2009 at 11:51 am
And tears wiped?
February 26th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Bock, countless: big, fat, tears spilled from big young eyes, and wiped away with lotioned tissues, at different times tenderly, absently, tiredly, impatiently, lovingly, hastily, soothingly and firmly. Been a long week for the 3 of us.
February 26th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Point of order, dear, but was this article peer reviewed before publication? What was your hypothesis, your research methodology? Can your results be duplicated independently in households everywhere. I’m afraid until I see that sort of comprehensive information, you must place me in the category of “Booger Deniers.” Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go throw snow balls at Al Gore.
Cheers.
February 26th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
eeeeeeeew. And why do you cut fingernails and trim toenails
February 26th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
What, a week without micturation?
February 26th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
great post
February 26th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Rand, my hypothesis was foundling, my methodology remains unfound and my results are unfounded.
Vincent, I have no idea.
Conan, there’s only one mickey in this household and he choorates it himself.
February 26th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Ellis, ta!
February 27th, 2009 at 3:42 am
Ta very much.
Nostril hairs had an easy week then? No candling of ears?
February 27th, 2009 at 5:13 am
Not shaving anything then?
February 27th, 2009 at 6:49 am
Okay.. so thats lunch ruined, anything else you’d like to cover before I get back to the grind?
February 27th, 2009 at 7:23 am
Oh dear, I hope everyone rolls into the weekend with, big grins, smiled. I gracias por la otra día.
XX
February 27th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Eolai, we find the cocaine burns our unsightly nostril hair right off. Problemchild 1 swears by it.
Kim, shaving’s a perilous business when sudden violent sneezing fits abound. A gals legs can end up looking like the Nazca lines of high Peru.
Jimmy, Says right up there that sensitive persons ought to have turned away. I cannot be held responsible for the hurling of another person’s chups. Not after last time. I’m listening to my lawyer this time.
fmc, we’re reading the Witches by Roald Dahl and have just learnt that , although it’s unlikely, it is certainly possible that teachers can be witches too. Even the ones that seem really nice. We are going to go into this weekend mostly pale, wide-eyed and wetting ourselves, I think.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
I hope you shouted, “Avast, ye swabs!” when the cotton buds appeared.
February 28th, 2009 at 6:24 am
I have done the same things for many weeks. Consider yor results duplicated! Although #2 daughter resists my wiping her nose at 17, she rejoices in my picking up her tissues.
February 28th, 2009 at 7:40 am
and i thought i had it bad with miss daisy! all i have to do is go in each morning with a small mirror…
xoxox
February 28th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Happily, to-day Ireland won against England in the rugby, and in Croke Park. Now I do not know if you subscribe to the notion of winning against the English at every competitive endeavor below and including tiddlie-winks – I do btw – for give half a chance the most open of them go back into old habits.
On the earlier. What happened to ‘Pare’.
Best of’ on the swab,btw.
March 1st, 2009 at 4:01 pm
What is this? I have read and re-read, but I still cannot get the gist. Is it something about children? Have you no domestic help?
March 1st, 2009 at 4:46 pm
ooooh crikey……rather you than me
March 2nd, 2009 at 3:54 am
Call me squeamish but I’m a little concerned about the cervix. Brought tears to my eyes.
March 2nd, 2009 at 4:48 am
Uh…like Pat, the cervix part made me squeamish.
The rest sounds fine.
Heh.
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:52 am
I feel your pain missus.
Three boys- Have.
March 3rd, 2009 at 9:55 am
Yes poor you and yours. I’m Pat and Mick too, could I have a virtual brow mops and a plate of soup please!
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:09 am
Conan, unhappily I accidentally shouted “Swab ye, avasts!” And they did. I always get confused at the gyneacologists.
Debra, The thing to do is to fake senility at an early age. That’s what I plan to do as soon as the girls are able to look after me properly. Then you will be free to fling tissues, orange rinds, balled-up American Tan coloured tights, whatever your heart desires to fling, all about the place. And then won’t the tables be turned on them! Hoho! Aha! (Obviously not so senile that they have to ship you off somewhere – we have to play a careful game when faking early revenge senility)
Savannah, if you’re called upon for toenail duty jsut remember that that’s above and beyond. Above and beyond, my friend.
Vincent, just routine me ole mucka, but thanks. But Pare? What now?
Mrs. P. if only it were only about scooping the excrement and standing on the paws of my children. If only…
Manuel, there were a few crikey moments, I tell you.
Pat, and mine! Nowt to worry about though – just routine. x
Guyana Gal, hello! Cervixes were given to us to squeam us out – especially when put near the word “cotton-bud.”
Dev, postcard – got! Cheers, lovey!
Apprentice, you can have one or the other but not both – there’s a recession on and I’m hunkering down. Virtually too. Hope you’re on the mend, sweet Anna.
March 4th, 2009 at 1:55 am
Pare: to trim off an outside, excess, or irregular part of
March 4th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
You say that as though Ireland isn’t thrumming.
Mind, I’m away at the minute. Maybe it’s not.
March 5th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Could you be any funnier? You could not. I’ve been away from here FAR too long.
March 9th, 2009 at 4:58 am
Oh, this had me laughing! I wonder why I feel so sad that I’m no longer on toenail duty…?
March 9th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
two hearts here – thrilled
two faces – smiled
We’re glad you’re well:)