Some days in the wild Western Isles are days when the only thing to do is curl up tightly and twitch.  If you should come a-knocking on Lewis’s front door on such a day, and nobody answers, it’s because we’re all at home, curled up tightly and twitching.  Check the sky.  It will probably have clouds that look like God has just revoltingly added extra milk to his already o’er-milky tea.  Check your expensive mainland shoes.  They will probably be partially submerged in puddle and doom. There will be no movement behind our curtains, and there will be no light in any window.  Traditionally, we twitch in the dark.  You should turn around immediately and return some other day.

27 thoughts on “Twitching”

  1. Well we did used to all gather in the church halls for mass twitching but the government made us stop doing that in peril of disowning us. Something about it being unnatural and deviant, as I recall. Anyway, they were really quite firm with us about it, and you know, we’re whores for our rural subsidies.

  2. Savannah, honey, I just missed you there! The bunched up and twitching league is a league you’re best off staying well away from, my sweet. The beer is flat, the hot-dogs are cold, you have to wear striped shirts and special shoes too, which are sometimes still warm from the last person. Its really eeeew.

  3. Bock, it comes right after the drinking-the-still-warm-blood-of-the slower-moving-of-the-tourists hour.

    Fmc, well might you eep. Oho yes! Well might you. It don’t get no eepier.

    Nanas, it is not! “What starts with scratching will only end in Forny-kay-shun!” So it was spitten.

  4. awh…….I so wanna twitch right now………LMM wouldn’t be having any of it…….and her a master twitcher too…….she see’s things, not in a I see dead people kinda way, from very far off…..

  5. So you won’t be sitting by your casement window? Conan’s comment…. See, always class over here even with your twitching. Have you tried the wire brush and dettol? I swears by it missus.

  6. God and his dairy intake, what? This is another reason for my lapsing Catholicism. And by lapsing I mean 6 feet under muck by now. Rather like your predicament, Sam!

  7. Did you keen with the twitching. I’ve always fancied a bit of keening but I’m never sure if I’m dong it right.

  8. Sam, leave it to you Celtic types to create some story involving bogs and such to keep the rest of us from knowing what you’re really doing:
    Watching reruns of “Dr. Who” or a Scotland/England match on the telly.


  9. Manuel – birdies?

    Vincent, although you cannot tell it really from this distance, I am in fact doing a rare stand-up-not-in-the-house twitch.

    Conan, it is comments like these by which I have long apprehended your essential wisdom.

    Savannah, ha! Bowling would be as recreational manna to us in the hebrides, baby. We pile stones up in little heaps for our recreation there. The tourists think it’s some ancient mysterious misty shit, but nah. Just us.

    Sniffle, I love Dettol. It smells like antisceptic poetry.

    Sweary, which predicament, darling? (Wry lolling)

    Pat, I bet you keen like a queen, my graceful friend. I keen more like somebody about to throw up on the ferry.

  10. Rand – the telly is the devil’s instrument! You’re right though. Most of us have the devil’s satellite telly now too.

    Medbh, it’s the time of year for it. If only we could harness the power of twitching we might be able to power a major city through February and March at least.

    Daphne, the God of Belgium is a beast. The Goddess of France can’t stand him and his cheesy breath, but what can she do about it? She can hardly move, can she.

    Eryl, curling is one of mankind’s greatest pleasure. Draw your curtains, take the phone off the hook and try it. Also rocking and moaning intermittently when you have a sinus infection.

    Ellis, John is TheIsleOf’s more successful younger brother. But we have never been bitter or angry or torn up any Christmas cards at all. Nope sirree.

    Andraste, see me reply to Medbh, stick your fingers in a plug socket and start producin’ baby! America needs the twitchers to decreaase or dependence on foreign oil.

  11. ElizT, It’s something to do with freshly beheaded chickens I believe. is that what you’re thinking of?

    Mary, you are one of Nature’s survivors. Come the End Days bags I bunk with you. You heard me everybody! I’m bunking with Mary and her well thought-out store of provisions! The rest of you will have to find your own wise friend!

    Savannah, I shall be over for a see!

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