He Wears A Yellow Jumper

Going to Stornoway with the chidderkins for a couple of weeks. Because this trip has worse connections than a two-bob psychic we leave tonight but are not actually going to get to Sunny Stornoway til Thursday morning.  I feel like a salmon swimming, struggling upstream in a mighty, epic journey to the spot of my spawning, where I will probably be half-eaten by a bear. (Hedgehogs are our largest carnivores though, I think. Prolly be half eaten by a hedgehog if half-eaten by anything); or die flopping uselessly in the sunshine on the banks of the river Creed, mouth opening and closing silently as I slip away, cursing this life and its miseries, and maybe cursing you too, so be nice to me.  Or maybe the metaphor Gods will switch the analogy on what the trip is like when we get there and I won’t have to die.  I just hope it’s not any metaphor to do with the Middle East or the hills of Bora Bora.

They say it’s sunny there right now and, in the larger sense, I suppose it always is*, but some days the clouds don’t agree. So in the hopes of luring a behatted sun out to shine on our wearied, jet-lagged, holiday-making limbs, I am going to spend most of the fortnight in a canary-yellow jumper singing wholesomely in various groovy positions upon a boat, like my most current crush, the enigmatic Mr. Daniel Of Donnell. I think you’ll agree that this is him at his finest (and dishiest. *Blush*).  Aren’t his moves just the Very. Living. End? *Swoony*. I don’t know about you other girls, but I’m going for a bit of a lie down. 

Anyway, Danny Boy…baby… I dedicate this holiday to you…

*Looks into middle distance profoundly, contemplating the larger resonances of what I just said.  That’s profoundly, see? Profoundly.  Not vacantly, dreamily, absent-mindedly or constipatedly, OK?  I don’t care what anyone says, that’s my profound look.  Shut up. 

Daniel O\’Donnell, I Can See Clearly Now

23 thoughts on “He Wears A Yellow Jumper”

  1. Trailing behind that lurid jumper like clouds of glory, only not like them at all, are the uselessly flopping hearts of a thousand short-sighted girls. The tragedy of misplaced swooning. Avert your eyes before it’s too late. And journey safely.

  2. Stornoway – how can you be so close, yet so far away from here? One day we’ll meet up Sam. And maybe you’ll get to taste one of Rogan’s cakes

  3. Best avoid those boats which run on rails and then suddenly fly; stick to your brogues, fair isle and needle-mice is my advice.

  4. we just have to gloss over the Daniel O’Donnell thing – you must have sunstroke, surely?! Oh, you haven’t got to Stornoway yet (I was going to write it in Gaelic but could I find it anywhere on BBC Alba? Ovbviously not) I was on the west coast last weekend and will be again this – the sun was so bright and hot, you couldn’t step outside without some cool shades …

  5. M’dear, Daniel O’Donnell is worse then a fester of midges on your eyelids!

    Safe travels.

  6. I like the little shoulder shaking thing he does to keep up the rhythm. And my parents would have adored him…

    Have fun — we’re there too now!

  7. Why on earth are you bringing them over in the middle of Summer. You are only giving them rosemantic notions. Late January or early February, then you will have their little noses to the educational grindstone.

  8. Eoin McLove!!!! (For all you poor, poor benighted folks who have never seen the BBC series “Father Ted”, Daniel O’Donnell was the real-life model for Eoin McLove, who so memorably visited Ted, Dougal, and Mrs. Doyle on the occasion of Mrs. Doyle’s winning his poetry contest. Look up a clip on YouTube, if you dare. FUNNIEST series in history.)

    “I have no willy”.

  9. He is the epitome of Celtic manhood, so. And his weather forecasting skills are second to none – look at that sky behind him. Enjoy your trip – McChe and I will wave across the water from Largs.

  10. Hey Sami, have you returned safely to OchAy, Calif? And have those ‘larger resonances’ stopped boinging about the place?

  11. Hello? Are you returned to us? safe and sound? Anxious Nancy here would like to know the answers to them dar questions.

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