Well, as you can see, no technical progress has been made although I have dropped a stone in weight and am suffering from dehydration. My sidebar remains slipped; my header and footer are yet squint.
What I have been doing for the last hour is trawling other people’s WordPress sites with a stained overcoat and a cap in my hand crying “‘Ave pity on a poor blogger, miss!” “I cahn’t do blogging, see? And … my kiddies are stahrving … yeah, thassit! The kiddies are stahrving! Do it for the children, mister. Me? I can’t ‘elp myself, I’m a lost cause, but you wouldn’t see a pair o’ nippers go ‘ungry now wouldya? Mister? Miss?
I have, as you see, been solliciting shamelessly for a techie person to come and ‘elp, I mean help me. And now, for your pitying wonder, ladies and gentlemen, I present today, “Portrait of A Housewife Blogger Brought Low”. A matinee:
The following is part of a letter sent to another WordPress blogger.
“I’m a a berk when it comes to ‘puters and stuff. Truthfully, I’m an enormous berkyberkyLuddite. ‘K? I said it. But I am also a berk who is mightily impressed with how you have got WordPress to do the zippy things you have. And now a berk with an idea of how to somehow get somebody else to do it for me.
I live in default-template-land over at my site and would like to know if you have any clever friends who could help me out, with site design and the like. I would find someone myself but I’m not even sure I know what the hell I’m looking for and I’ve already searched the darkest corners of Google for them. What is the proper title, even, for elusive people such as these ? Lesser-spotted techietypes? Big-beaked whizpeeps? I can’t find anyone to help me and I will pay, like, money and everything.
Site-designers all seem to only work for businesses and my emails of enquiry have been met with the kind of silence only heard in deep-space or, question time at a slide-show entitled: “The Hidden Side of Middlesborough: Mildred and Bernard’s tour off-the-beaten-path. (Summer Hols. 1985)”
I am weary from tinkering late into the night only to accomplish the ensquinting of my header and footer, and the be-squinting of my eyes. (Everyone knows a woman’s thirties are supposed to be a time for avoiding wrinkle-forming activities) Do you know anyone who can help me?
I will open up all my files to anybody who will attempt this. I have nothing to hide and only the usual diseases so whoever is willing to take this on, they can be assured that I run a very clean site, my code is spotless, if muddled, and that they run no danger of infection of any kind. And they will get Cold. Hard. Cash. If I can buy myself out of a problem, by God, I will. It’s the early 21st century way after all.
My creative tide has ebbed for the day and, weary as I am of all the fruitless tinkering, I’m left high and dry with nothing to blog about but the folly and woe of blogging. So if you wouldn’t mind awfully, I am going to cut and paste large swathes of this email as today’s post. Pitiful.”
So was it written and, so have I blogged.